Because I said so...that's why...

Okay, so I did it. I uttered those words that I'd promised myself absolutely eons ago when I was young that I would never ever ever say. Because really? It's not a reason. It's a justification. It's an abuse of power. It's just wrong. And frustrating if you're on the receiving end. And up to this point in my parenting career, I have rarely ever fallen back on this once famous stand-by.

So picture me the other night walking into my kitchen to start preparing dinner (because heaven forbid anyone else do it) and I notice that the sink is full of dishes. So call me OCD, call me weird, whatever, I cannot cook in a kitchen where there are already dirty dishes hiding the sink. So I called for Jethro to come unload the dishwasher so that I could reload before I started cooking. I also realize that the venison steaks I removed from the freezer have not thawed out. Not. one. bit.

I take them in hand to Larry, who's sitting in his office.

Me: These steaks are rock hard!! They didn't thaw out at all. They've been out all day!! What does this say about the temperature in this house??

Larry: (takes the wrapped bundle of steaks from my outstretched hand) um. Well this corners a little squishy.

Me: oh well lovely. I'll just cut off that corner and serve it to you. Because that's going to feed us all!

Jethro: maybe someone should just go get a pizza.

Me: I told you I have no money. (I may or may not have shrieked this)

Jethro: okay, calm down. (backing away with his hands out as though I'm a panther about to pounce)

Me: (calmer) No. You don't understand. Usually when I say I have no money, I mean I just don't want to spend what I have. This time I literally have no money. So I have to cook. I guess I'll try defrosting them in the microwave.

So I throw the package in the microwave and hit defrost. It's then that I notice that the bottom cabinet doors are half shut. I go to try and shut them. No deal. The pots, pans, roasters, cake pans and cookie sheets are wedged in there in such a way that the cabinet doors cannot shut. Why am I the only one who finds this unacceptable? When Larry or Jethro put dishes away they just shove them in and hope the door shuts. As I'm already slightly pissy (definitely pms-ing) this just really chaps my hide. So I say to Jethro~

Me: For the love of Bob!! Could you not at least put the dishes away so the cabinet closes?

Jethro: No. Because some moron dug out the big roaster which he then did not even use and now nothing fits in there right.

Me: Um so maybe you could rearrange things? (Is this rocket science? Because it seems obvious to me!)

Jethro: Right now?! While you're trying to cook?

Me: Yes! It's tipping my scales towards crazy and I really want it resolved.

Jethro: Seriously? Right now you want me to drag out all the pans, make a huge mess and rearrange them?

Me: (sighing inwardly) No. Oh hell no! Why would I ask you or your father to correct anything you've done just to suit me? What am I thinking?

Jethro: I just don't see why it's such a big deal and has to be done right now.

Me: (thinking to myself Because it's important to me But then I open my mouth and out they come, those dreaded words...) Because I said so, that's why

To set the record straight...Jethro did not then instantly snap to attention and do what I'd ask. He gave me the "you've finally lost it look" and I told him to just go, do whatever it was he'd been doing. Then I sat on the floor and rearranged my cabinet. Then I shut the cabinet doors. And yes, I felt better. Oh, and the steaks defrosted enough to cook and dinner was delish.

Really?! Is it just me?
♥Gert

Hildi's gone AWOL..

Seriously Hildi, where the heck are you? You haven't even answered texts lately. I know better then to call because you don't pick up unless you think it's an emergency. If I thought Jerome had the stomach for it, I might be worried he'd hacked you to pieces and hid you in the crawlspace.

Anywho, I'm taking your turn again because I need to vent. Big time. After cleaning up my house yet again, I am fed up. So this conversation ensues...

Me: So, I realize that because I do not work outside the home, the house is my responsibility. However, I'm pretty sure that does not give you or the boys leave to become the messiest people on the planet. I checked the fine print of the contract. And if you added a codicil you have to inform my lawyer and he swears to have no knowledge of one so I don't know what you're thinking but it won't hold up in court.

Larry: laughing (at me I'm sure). I don't think I'm the messiest person on the planet.

Me: Really? Really? Are you kidding me? You set the empty kool-aid pitcher on the counter by the dishpan and it had red kool-aid all over the bottom. I just spent twenty minutes scrubbing the stain off the counter. Not to mention that the dishpan was full of un-rinsed dishes (I hate un-rinsed dishes). Why? Why?

Larry: Um. Because I'm a moron? (now the first time he used this defense, I have to admit it was pretty funny and I laughed. And agreed with him, because he said it not me.)

Me: That excuse is really wearing thin. Even morons can learn. And oddly enough, I firmly believe we've had this conversation before. And it seems to do no good whatsoever. So really, I don't know why I'm wasting my breath.

Larry: Ummm. (Yeah, I know he has no clue what to say here.) Sorry?

Me: Whatever. But just so you know...I'm not happy. And all this cleaning and picking up after you and the boys is seriously cutting into all my writing time.

Larry: Well, it would be different if you were getting paid for that writing.

Me: Really? And how would it be different? Hmmmm? Would you be less messy? No. I think not. The only way it would be different is maybe I could afford a maid.

Larry: Of course when you right a blockbuster best seller and become rich and famous you'll be able to afford a maid.

Me: You know, I don't even care if I'm rich and famous anymore. I'd settle for published and able to pay the bills. My dreams have seriously tanked. It's like for every year I get older, my dreams get closer to the floor. Kind of like my boobs.

At which point he actually chuckled out loud. In case you don't read my other blog, this is unusual. Mostly anymore he just looks at me like I've lost my mind. Unfortunately, the dream thing is true. They tell you to reach for the stars but right now I'd settle for the top shelf. *sigh*

there's laundry calling my name,
♥Gert