You can't quit silly, slaves have to be sold...

At least that's how I feel some times. As unappreciated and stuck as a slave. Oh not usually. Usually my family is pretty good. But there are some days when it feels like I'm plugging away here all on my own. The only member putting in any cohesive effort. Everyone else seems content to go on with things and let the pieces fall where they will. Simply because they know I'll come behind, sweep up the pieces and put them back in the puzzle where they belong. I didn't threaten to quit my job, but I did threaten to quit caring about the quality of my work.

I think part of it is the dreary time of year. Part of it is the vacation let down. Part of it is that this is the time of year my hubby has to start focusing on getting the camp ready for summer and he kind of checks out of the rest of his life. It's all work work work. Usually it's not a bother because I just focus more on the kids. This year the kids all have their own focus. With so much going on for them, they aren't even around to help out much. And yes, I do know that the house won't fall down if I get behind in the laundry or cleaning. I won't get the "worst mother" award if I don't cook every night or the beds aren't made. But it matters to me. And since the chronic illness showed up, there are some days it just ain't happening. This makes me cranky. Not having someone to pick up the slack makes me crankier.

Case in point for our recent strife...Larry had to go to Ranger Rendezvous last week. It's a three day conference/training for the rangers. They go over new camp standards, ask each other questions, attend some classes (Larry taught a welding one) and generally get each other pumped up for the coming summer. They are held in different areas and sometimes he's gone four days, sometimes two. This year he went to St. Joe, Missouri. They left Tuesday morning and got back Thursday evening. Thursday was the day that Lulu had her appointment in St. Louis so she and I hit the Galleria Mall after spending three hours at the doctors. Larry calls me at 6.

Larry: Where are you?

Me: St. Louis. Remember?

Larry: Yeah. I just thought you'd be home by now.

Me: Well it was a long day, we decided to hit the mall for some girly fun.

Larry: Oh. Well where's Jethro?

Me: It's Thursday night. He's at his CAP meeting. (Duh. Happens every Thursday night)

Larry: Oh.

Me: There's plenty of food for your dinner. I'll call you when we are on our way home. Love you. Bye.

Obviously he thought he should receive a huge welcome back. And was disappointed no one was home to greet him. Later he stated that I didn't even miss him. I told him sure I did, I had to make my own coffee in the morning! (I tease). In truth, really he wasn't even gone long enough to miss. Two nights and I was busy all three days. I'm not sure what he expected. Later we had this conversation~

Larry: Did you even miss me?

Me: Of course I did. You just weren't gone very long. And I was busy the whole time.

Larry: Well I didn't get much of a welcome home.

Me: Well I didn't get much of a good-bye. Remember how you called me after your meeting Monday night to tell me you had to go to C's house to go over that proposal when we both knew you were really going to have a couple of beers with the guys? The night before you left, when you might have wanted to spend time with your wife?

Larry: I did need to go over that proposal.

Me: Really? It couldn't have waited for this weekend?

Larry: I didn't think about it.

Me: Story of my life. You can't expect me to keep putting effort in when you don't.

That completely illustrates my point. Why does it seem like I'm the only one trying? I've put too many damn years in to quit this one, I'm seeing it through to those golden years. But really? Couldn't I at least get a spontaneous dinner out once in a while?

men, can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em,
♥Gert