Thursday, December 18, 2008

I feel you're pain!


You are always welcome to go out of turn! Especially when you need to vent. And you are right about Jerome. I was the recipient of some of his help just last evening. Granted it was only via phone but I was grateful to have his expertise to call on. That compassionate nature is part of why you love him. I know this well because as I'm sure you've noticed...Larry is exactly the same way. Anyone needs anything...he's your guy. And definately he has come to my rescue a time or two but it does have to be a true "situation" I find myself in. On an everyday basis...I may as well be a single mom. Don't you recall the conversation we had just monday (my birthday) after I wrote that glowing blog about him? HA! As I said that day (and reiterated for him today) if it's in the house it's my problem and he doesn't even notice. Why are they this way you ask? I have a couple theories...the first is that it's because we're more then competent. Yeah, I know...that sounds like a good thing. Not so my dear. We've been taking care of the kid stuff, house stuff, them for so long and so well...they forget that they are supposed to be a partner in all this. To support this theory I have comments from Larry..."But if we were all as good as you, you wouldn't be so special." Believe it or not, that was not sarcasm. He honestly means it. Or another favorite..."But you're so good at it!". It being taking care of everything! Gah! And honestly...I know I'm guilty of it too...we begin to take for granted our partner. I put Larry on hold for other things that I deem more important all the time...knowing he'll still be there when I get back to him. And then it leads to his..."well you never want to do anything with me anyway so I figured you wouldn't care" (petulant, huh?). So I don't know what the cure is, but it seems it's a vicious cycle. I guess maybe communicating your feelings is the only thing that helps. Let him know you're feeling neglected and misused. He may fuss back at you, but at least it will give him something to think about. I offer Larry & my text conversation from my bday:

Larry:I love u and im sorry i upset u what can i do to make your birthday better

Me: Stop being such an oafish lout. Stop using the front door (because the christmas tree blocks it and he was knocking ornaments off the tree!!!). Pay more attention to stuff. Be a partner not just one more kid for me to take care of!

Larry:That's alot for one day im sorry im trying.

Me: Well since i ask for that every year i won't hold my breath. Ok?

Larry:Did you want to do something together today us or the family

Me: Like what?

Larry: I don't know. Movie game cage fight?

Haha! The point is he's a big oafish lout but he doesn't always mean to be. And neither does Jerome. Meanwhile...I appreciate you! Sometimes it helps to know that at least someone does!

love & life,

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Do I matter?


I know it's actually your turn to blog, but I need to vent. As you know my husband is the kind of guy who would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. He always rushes to help friends and family who ask for it. If your moving, you can count on him. Car trouble? Jerome is on his way. Phones, computers, anything electronic, and he's your guy. The man even helps my friends with anything they need it from him. And believe me some of them have asked a lot from us both. When he's done fixing the problem he smiles and waves and rides into the sunset on his trusty steed. Guess who's always left standing in the dark when the sun goes with him.

I honestly love him for the way he cares about people. And his readiness to help those that require his skills. I just don't know why I never receive his aid. Trust me I put the signal in the sky all the time! I have no doubt that he would save me from peril, but why should that be the only time. It's not even his help that I'm looking for the most. I'd just like to feel like I matter more then all the others. I don't need more money. I really don't need more material things. What I desperately want is to be important to him.

Tonight he told me he would be home at 5:20. Then he scheduled an appointment with a gentlemen for 5:30. Yes I know it's work and he's providing for us. Blah, blah, blah! He will be there tomorrow till 6:00. And guess what? Work isn't going anywhere for now. No difficulties on that front. Instead of calling to let me know, he texted me to complain about a friend of his father's. I of course said poop on the man, he doesn't deserve your help anyway. Then I got the, " Oh by the way....I'm not gonna make it!" No there was no special reason for him to come home at that time. Other than he told me he would.I want to matter enough to have him follow through with what he tells ME. Poop on you too Jerome. Fold your own damn laundry!

Love! Just not for me! Hildi

Monday, December 15, 2008

Oh, the gray hairs!


I must admit from the picture you sent me, your hair looks great! Isn't it always that much better when you get such a fabulous price to with it? I love a good deal. There is nothing better to make you feel sassy and confident, then getting your hair done. That's probably why most places charge so much. They know what it does for us. I tell ya a new hair-do and a pedicure can damn near make all your problems fade away. Ok, this time of year a facial or massage might be required.

I feel good about the finger foods for Christmas. It will be a very casual, easy evening. I think we will all have more time for talking and spending time together. Plus mom won't have to cook the entire day before. I'm still in shock that others agreed with me. Maybe that's just the baby-sister-chip on my shoulder talking! Just kidding! I think I shed that with the second child.

Are any of us where we wanted to be? In certain instances, yes. I too am ever so grateful for the time I get to spend with my children. While they are still children. I am slightly nervous and anticipatory about starting my career when I am thirty-four. But at the same time I think a lot of people in their mid to late thirties are restless in the careers they've chosen anyway. It will be like a second chapter to an already pretty great life. I'll be ready for something that is all mine. Maybe my children and I can get even closer, since the field I've chosen happens to be in skin and make-up! Boy am I glad I have two little ladies. I know that you will be published. It may not be until your forty-two, but it will be. And look at all the experience you've acquired by being a mom for so long. You really could write on any number of topics. For instance; Autism, parenting, cooking, budgeting, children's stories, and romance from all that we've read. Heck, real life country style could be good for you. Not every lady knows about that.

Did you say spirits? Are we staying the night? Just kidding. Maybe just a glass or twelve. Speaking of drinking my stress away. I have a baby shower for a teacher to plan for Friday. A house to clean before Tuesday of next week.(Not easy with a three-year-old stuck to my leg, saying she's lonely.) Presents for my family, his dad's side of family and his mom's side of family by Sunday. A dish from Chile due on Thursday, along with traditional costume. Gift exchange and book recovery for Wednesday night with friends. Oh yes, packing and laundry for four before we leave next week. Hahahahahh! I gotta go!

Love and polished toes& pampering! Hildi

Days of no small importance...

Happy Birthday to me! Boy do I feel old! Actually, not too much. I think next year being the big 4-0 will hit me way harder. I'm just really not where I wanted to be at this age in terms of accomplishments. I wanted to be a published author by now. I wanted to have been interviewed by Oprah. I wanted to own a big house. And I wanted to have ten kids. that last one is a little crazy. But I probably would have had more then just the three if Larry had been willing. And the others? Well I guess they could still happen but probably not by next year. But as I look back reflectively today...I'm okay with where I am. I'm thankful for the life I do have and wouldn't give up any of it to have the other things. And I guess that's what it's about the choices you make along the way. I gave up the career which was awesome but hectic with way too much travel to stay home with the kids. And sure some days I wish I was putting on a skirt and heels and heading off to my office where my secretary would have my coffee waiting...or waking up in the Hilton in Springfield, watching the people scurry to the capital and knowing I had some lobbying to do or lunch with a representative or senator. Okay...not the lobbying at the building so much...because those other lobbyists are mean! Anyway...some days I miss it...but the amount and quality of the time I got to spend with my kids over the years is worth way more to me. Especially as I see them growing up and getting ready to leave the nest. Time goes so quickly that I'm glad I got to store up plenty of memories. It was for sure worth it. And Larry? Well I'm a pretty lucky girl to have him too. Could have maybe traded up a time or too for a guy with money & a big house, but nobody could love me or his kids as much as he does. That's for sure. Besides, the big lout needs me. And not owning a house because one is provided by his job is okay. I love this house, I love living way out here in the country, and I love the land. I don't think I could ever live in town again. So it's all good!

I'm so proud of Patience for the last story you put on here...go girl! That is a valuable lesson to have learned at such a young age. And kudos to both of us for raising kids with big hearts and compassion. That's something else I'm thankful for! Plus I got my hair done on Friday morning...and I LOOOOVVVVEEE it. Makes me feel so much better. Then at the Xmas party Friday night, new people I met couldn't believe I was old enough to have teenagers. Go me. Take that gray hairs! I didn't tell them that I have this theory that chubby people have less wrinkles...therefore appearing younger....haha! get your wish. Dad backed you on it and so did Larry. Although, I had to promise Lulu and Jethro I'd still make them a turkey dinner sometime soon...we are not having a traditional Christmas dinner. I'm going with finger foods. I'm telling everyone to bring an appetizer and a desert. No big sit around the table and stuff yourself dinner. Just grazing as you go. Sound better? Any requests? I've been pouring over my cookbooks for days now deciding what to wow my company with. =] And you know what goes well with appetizers? That's right- cocktails! Woo-hoo!

love & finger foods & Christmas "spirits",

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Everything is better in heels!


Those aspirations appeared after the first child was born and I had to learn how to do everything. I have noticed that not only does my husband enjoy the heels, but I feel very girly wearing them. I also vacuum in new high heels so I can break them in. Boy do I look sexy in my own set of baggy pants, t-shirt, and spanking new heels. Pony tail? Only if my hair is long enough.

I am in full agreement on the gender of the holiday-dishes clean-up crew. No I do not like turkey, but as you know mom always makes a ham for me and the big eaters.( All the guys.) I really was thinking of you. Not to worry I shan't let it become a habit. Next year Christmas is at my house for everyone who can come. That means folks in my home state and yours. I have a little surprise for you and your ever traditional cohort mother. I will be having a TRADITIONAL Irish dinner. And that is all I have to say on the matter.

I must tell you about my oldest daughter's day. It started at seven-thirty this morning. I got her cleaned and ready to be picked up at eight-thirty by Grandma Ali. From our house they proceeded to an assisted living facility to sing carols, pass out stuffed animals and little gifts. She volunteered to stay for lunch so that she could pass out roles in the cafeteria. Not only did she treat everyone with respect and politeness, she also learned a valuable lesson. One woman kissed her on her forehead and said " Bless you". I received a full report from her Grandma when they returned and it was obvious that something special happened today. After her Grandma left we had a chat about today and she told me that it was a great time and she wants to go back. I was not surprised by her good behavior. Even though she can be a hand full at times, she has a big heart and understood going in that these people deserve our respect and caring. What surprised me, was that I offered a reward for her good behavior and selflessness, and she turned me down. She said," I don't need a reward for doing something good. I like it and that is enough of a reward." I can tell you that tears pooled in my eyes and I saw that shining halo above her head for a minute. Of course she'll still treat me like I'm stupid from time to time. And yes that smart ass attitude will get her in plenty of trouble. Laziness will still be a problem we face, but for that space in time I was reminded of the innocence they lose so quickly. I was also able to see that huge heart I know she has, and it was one of those moments that took my breath away.

The lesson she learned, you ask? That not everyone has a family and loved ones to take care of them. There are people out there that are alone and sick and need someone, anyone to show them a little kindness. Holidays are especially hard for the lonely souls that fill these places and even one smile can make such a difference. At least for a while. She learned simply, that she is blessed with youth, love and a safe place to call home. I hope that some of the lonely people out there find a little peace this holiday season.

Love and good wishes! HIldi

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

What?! No christmas dinner?

Have you lost your tiny little mind? Of course I'm fine with dinner. No worries. You just don't like turkey and you're trying to ruin it for all of us. Actually the cooking doesn't bother me and mom brings half of dinner with her anyway. Plus I will call the various aunts and delegate. So no, cooking is not a problem. Cleaning up is handled by the men in my household and I have a dishwasher so it's not too big of an issue. And no dear heart, I won't make you do dishes. Lol. It's good for the menfolk to do them. It builds character. No it's more the cleaning and decorating and planning leading up to the big event that will wear me out. But not working retail (mmmk. not working) it should be easier this year. Unfortunately Lulu does work retail and will be trying to spend time with Bill so I won't have my right hand girl. Although...Bill is pretty handy to help out and Larry and Jethro can be bribed into service. No it will definitely all be fine.

Um. Well. Hmm. I do not ever remember you aspiring to be the quintessential fifties housewife. I don't remember you ever aspiring to being a housefrau at all. Weren't you the "I'm never getting married and having kids" girl? Pretty sure that was your mantra growing up. Maybe these latent aspirations rose to being after I moved away from home. Well I have honestly never achieved that level of success either. I can tidy a home, get an awesome meal on the table, and out Martha Stewart the best of them but you've lost your mind if you think I'm doing it in a skirt and heels! Hope you like my baggy pants and tshirts! I do however generally shower, fix my hair and put on makeup even to stay home. Unless I'm really feeling poorly. But that's more for me then him. I just feel better when I'm clean and pretty and I smell good. And a good glass of wine definitely helps me cook! But not so much with the cleaning...

Well I am off to bed. I accomplished very little today. After two busy days in town I was a little worn down. Spent most of the day writing. I think it counts as work since eventually I might make money. But my house doesn't look any better for it. So tomorrow I need to get in gear and do some real work. Fifties housewife style.

sweet dreams & tidy houses,


Drugs for you, drinks for me!

As you know I have always planned on becoming the quintessential fifties housewife. With the dress, hair and makeup done and the lovely heels on when my husband arrives home. Of course in my case the huge meals will fall a touch short of the expected, but I was still planning to have that drink( maybe five) in the kitchen while cooking. Now that I am in my thirties it is very unlikely I will ever see my dream realized. Oh cruel, cruel fate! I too have become to old to will my hangover symptoms away the next morning. My goals have been snatched away again by that nasty man(big surprise he's male) Father Time. Really though I believe I just need to build up a tolerance again and then I shall go for the gold. Tequila Gold!

I am ever so sorry to hear of your continuing hurts and lack of brain function. I wish you could see the doctor now instead of in February. Do you really think that your body will let you do Christmas? The meal alone will take a lot of effort. Not to mention the cleaning and dish washing that go with every large gathering. I still say we don't need all the traditional food. Mary and Joseph probably didn't even eat that night. Being together is truly all that matters and I would gladly eat cold sandwiches and chips if that's what there is. Plus I hate getting too full and cranky-tired! Oh! I get it! Your gonna make me do dishes aren't you? Sneaky, Gert. Real sneaky.

I must go, for I am tidying the house this day. I have most of the laundry done, if not yet put away. Just need to vacuum and do dishes! Jerome actually did most of the dishes last night after his birthday dinner. Crazy old guy. Thirty-seven is really upsetting him for some reason. I guess he isn't where he thought he'd be by now. Who is, I say. I certainly didn't think my uniform would be jammies and house shoes!

Love and jammies! Hildi

Falling over...drunk?!

Well I prefer vodka to wine if I'm going for intoxication...but the accompanying hangover just seems to get worse the older I get. Not to mention that after the first drink I begin to get sleepy unless I'm very involved in a game or dancing. So I think I'll just stick to the regular meds.

Speaking of being ill...geez, how is it that my body now betrays me in a thousand little ways every day? If it's not some weird ass pain that I've never felt before (and sincerely hope to never feel again) it's the cognitive stuff. Like monday...monday was just a bad sad day. I woke up feeling really crappy. My ankle was swollen to twice its normal size, my calf muscles on that side were bunched, I was soooo exhausted (even though I'd just had 8 hours of sleep), and I kept feeling like I was gonna pass out. Well, since there's no rest for the wicked or mommies, I got up got around, and headed in to town with Lulu. First we go to her orthopedic appointment to get her hip rechecked and of course I'm the one limping around like a loser. Then some lunch, then I drop her off at the college for her test and head to the library. Love the library. Find some books and a comfy chair. But by this time pain is radiating up from the ankle all the way to the hip. Dull ache. The other leg has sharp shooting pains every so often like someone is pinching a nerve at regular intervals. I just want to be at home on my couch in my jammies feeling sorry for myself! Pity party (table for one please)! And why must they keep it so flippin hot in the library??! Grrr. New legs begin to feel like I'm sitting to close to a campfire...literally like they are burning. So I haul my miserable carcass up, check out my books, shuffle to the elevator and eventually to my car. Get loaded in and realize I have no idea how to back out of my spot. I've forgotten which way to turn the wheel?! This is why they don't let me drive by myself very darned often. Thankfully I did eventually get it figured out, get Lulu, get home and get into those pjs! I hate this whatever it is and I hate days like that!

Funny story though...So Lulu says I have this certain face that I make when I think something is incredibly stupid. She says mostly I make it at Larry. And occasionally at her. Never at Jethro. (Huge surprise...that's boy genius we are talking about). Well she says she can't make it so I don't know what it looks like but I do know I think Larry does some "too dumb for words" things so she's probably right. So monday morning when I'm sitting on the bed, after having just exhausted myself by putting on socks, Jethro and Larry walk in. Larry sits down beside me and says "you don't look very good today." (Yeah...thanks for pointing that out jerkwad. Larry one, self esteem zero.) I told him I was extremely tired and that my ankle was killing me. Said ankle now resting on his leg, he says "wow. it's really swollen" and proceeds to pinch it!!! Yes, that's right...pinch my sore swollen ankle. WTF?!!! I yell "Hey!" quite loudly. He starts laughing and apologizing all at the same time, then falls over on the bed laughing. Well, I'm a little flippin angry at this point. When he says "you made the face". You think?! Omg. Some days...

love, betrayal & "the face",

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Ah, assisted living.


Let's think about this. Someone to clean and tidy your living space. Meds on hand when you want them. Card games and people to shoot the shit with. Plus a shuttle to take you where you want to go! Gracious me! Where do I sign up for that paradise? Of course I'll wait till my children are gone, but I'd like to book that place now. I suppose Jerome can come to if he behaves.
I definitely know what you mean about Larry. I too am curious as to how Jerome functions at work without me there. Although I have seen him in action and it was a sight to behold. He is assertive, knowledgeable, confidant and informative at work. What happens when they get home? Just kidding! He really is a wonderful man most of the time. He's a great best friend and a fantastic father. True, he is a little needy. However, much of that can be attributed to his childhood. It is nice sometimes to be needed so intently! I have never felt more completely loved by another man. At times he seems to read my mind and know exactly what I need. (Then he does something so idiotic I could scream!) That's why life is a pip. Yes I shall take him to my place of assisted living.
I think it might be better if you went ahead and forgot the asprin and just got drunk. Really, it thins your blood anyway and there you are stumbling around. It would be a lot more fun to actually enjoy it! Plus after a while you might not feel your legs. I know when I'm wasted I don't feel much of anything. With little children you can't do that often, but yours are grown. So stop being a quitter and chug that next bottle of wine you have. Gosh, some people just don't know how to self medicate. I love ya! (Don't do it without me!)

Love and assisted wine drinking! Hildi

Steps to independence...

It's true...each little step to independence is a step further away from us. And I don't think you're silly. I think it's nice that yours are far enough apart that you can savor those baby steps. Mine were so close together that each time one did something for themselves I was so happy to have one less thing to do I never realized what it meant in the long run. And of course if one could do it...the others felt they had to as well! But now that my "baby" is about to get his drivers license and has a job and a social life it is all too apparent that their journey to independence is way to close to the end for my comfort! And while on one hand, I'm looking forward to my relationship with my adult children...I miss my babies like you wouldn't believe. As a wise woman once said to me "Mother's hold their children's hands for a little while, their hearts forever." So I know that no matter where life takes them at least a part of me will always be there. And I don't care how old they are...they will always be my babies.

Speaking of that...even through all of this with Lulu and her thwarted engagement and all my fears of losing her to Peter, it was never really real to me. Does that make sense? I mean I was scared to death she was making a mistake and possibly ruining her life...but I never thought I'd lose her. I mean even if she'd moved in with him, she would have come home as often as she could and I knew she wanted our relationship to stay the same. But now that she's done with him and planning her road trip I feel much more like I'm losing her. Oh trust me...I could not be any more proud of her for her choice. I one hundred percent think she made the right decision! But it was almost an overnight maturity. She got in gear once the decision was made and signed up to take her GED and started planning her roadtrip. She chose to stay home all weekend instead of going out in order to study. She started planning for her future. And then there's Bill. The way she's handled the progression of their relationship from friends to something more has been way more mature then prior transitions. There was no jumping into anything. There's discussion and forethought and putting him first. It has amazed me. And then...there was dinner last week. Jethro and I met them out for dinner. We got to Applebee's first and got a table. And when I looked up at them walking torwards the table it was startling. They looked so good, so right together. And so in sync. I mean I've seen her out with dozens of guys. But this time was different. Call if foreshadowing, call it intuition if you will. I don't know what it was, but in that moment I could see it how it was going to be. Looking up, it seemed as if she was more his, then mine. And it scared me. Oh man, it put our changing relationship in serious perspective for me. But at the same time, it just seemed right.

Well, thank god I still have Larry. I am for certain he is never gonna grow up and leave me. Hahaha. As if. Somedays I wonder how he manages to do his job without me. And other days I wonder how I do anything without him. Like this morning when he massaged my poor aching stiff calf muscles. Or tonight when he took hold of my arm to keep me from wobbling over. I don't walk so well when my muscles are screaming. I probably look drunk to passers-by. Ah well, at least I won't be alone in my dotage. Although Jethro has assured me they've already booked me a spot at the assisted living facility!!! That boy's just so darn thoughtful. =]

love & leg cramps,

Some small things are huge!

Yesterday morning started off with a small step for Prudence, an a huge heartache for me. She can now reach my bathroom light-switch all by herself. She waltzed right in to my bathroom and flipped it on to brush her teeth. Good hell! Nobody even said a thing about it until I screamed and told her what a big girl she is. Then, when everyone had stopped staring at the crazy mommy in the room, I teared up like a ninny! That was my little baby that did that. My last little baby. Nooooooo! There are so many things they do on a daily bases that we don't even catch. And all of these things are signs of their ever-increasing independence and growth.
The issues you and your family have been going through with Lulu have completely opened my eyes to my own daughters non-stop rise to adulthood. It is progressing much to fast and I can't stop it. Poop! Of course you think I'm silly because they're so little right now. I know we have a way to go yet before they leave us, but these are the child years we'll never have again. The innocent expressions, complete trust, and unconditional love will be gone before we know it.
The positive is that I'm aware of it. I love and revel in every little step that is taken. I feel every hug and kiss all the more. I truly see my blessings and couldn't be more grateful for them. A wise woman once passed on an equally wise quote to me. "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." I have come to understand and value all of those moments, no matter how small they seem to others. And I know that no matter how big they get, there will always be moments like that with my babies. Their accomplishments, big or little, never cease to take my breath away. Every once in a while just looking at them will.

Love, and all the aches and pains that go with it! Hildi

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Celebrate the small things...

Wow. I'm feeling you. I constantly feel that my family thinks I just do nothing all day. Can't remember what Larry said to me last night (while I was making his dinner no less) but it was designed to irritate I do remember that. And it worked like a charm. I calmly told him fine, I'd go visit you again for awhile and they could all fend for themselves since I was so unimportant. That changed his tune right quick! And please...they have to be mad at someone for their incompetence. Really, what man can do 15 things at once? None. Multitasking is not in their genetic makeup. That's a scientifically proven fact. And someone has to be to blame for the clutter and you don't seriously believe it was going to be him, do you? What man admits when he's wrong? And children? Even the best of them are at times ungrateful, demanding and downright insulting. Unfortunately mommyhood is a pretty thankless job. But if it's any vindication...some day they will be in the same situation and will finally see the light. I can't tell you how many times I've called our mother and said "I'm so sorry...I had no idea." Really, ask her, I've done it.

I need to get my decorations up, my gifts finished & wrapped. I have a sewing pile that just won't quit and about a ton of laundry that needs folded. And I can guarantee that nobody is going to say thank you when I'm done. HAHAHA. As if. But I'll feel good & accomplished & productive & exhausted. Life's like that. And if there's one thing I've learned in the last's cultivate your friendships because in hard times it's your girls that get you through. A husband who's your best friend is great...but he's also a husband and a man. He won't get mammograms, pms, or motherhood itself. They see things differently. He's also prone to breaking your heart in a million little ways without even realizing that he's done it. Such is the nature of the beast. But a good girlfriend knows exactly what to say when you need to hear it. She can tell by the sound of your voice what kind of day your having & what she can do to make it better. She will drop everything when you call because she knows you would do the same for her. Even when she can't solve your problems, just knowing you aren't alone is often enough. I count myself blessed to have good friends in my life. And sisters are like good friends to the tenth power! I wish Lulu had one. But at least she's got a cousin that's close.

I know you miss Irwin and he did grow like a weed. I think he's pretty much done growing now. He's pretty much the same height as me and filled out. He's way stronger then I am though. lol. Christmas should be good. Wish you guys could stay overnight so we could visit longer. We do have the room for it. And I do love family photos too! Jethro and I were fussing some because he hates having his picture taken at all & I was trying to get ones of each of the kids by themselves. So there was some fighting there. Other then that everyone got along well. There was alot of laughing because trying to get Irwin to look at the camera, let alone smile at it, is something of a trick. Then we all laughed at Lulu as she set the timer and tried to hurry to her place in the pic. She's not the most coordinated person on the planet!

Well girl, I love you. Hope your day, week, month gets better. Try to celebrate the small when they are all asleep. =]

life, love & hopeless men,

A victory none the less!

I'm very happy to hear that there was no showdown!That was one sticky situation.I can imagine how hard it is for her to be strong in the face of extreme manipulation.I sure don't envy her the heartache and loneliness that will find her in quiet moments throughout the days ahead!But I still have to say "WHOOO_HOOO!" Good for you, Lulu.I am soo proud of her.That was quite the grown-up decision to make and it shows the maturity we all knew she possessed.It will be a long road to healing.Travel and independence are the perfect way to erase the bad and refresh your soul.Of course she's welcome here for some refreshment any time!
I can't wait till I can see Irwin too!It seems like my visits with him are all too infrequent.I have often planned to see him on the trips to mom and dad's, however it seldom works out.It feels like it's very busy whenever I'm home.Christmas will be a lovely time for us all to spend time together and enjoy a little holiday cheer.Irwin always seems like he's grown when I get to see him.It rather makes me feel old!I love family photos!Nobody would ever guess we've been fighting right up to the flash, and directly after.Hahahaha!Maybe that's just my family.
My morning has been spent arguing with the ever jovial Jerome.Why is it I can do fifteen different things that need to be done and never once complain,but when he has something he's been putting off for a while and it's time to do it he has to piss and moan?I put up all the Christmas decorations by myself, the day after Thanksgiving.I even put up both trees, which is usually his job.Today I asked if he would just put the lights on one tree.( The other is pre-lit)Oh man, it was the biggest production of self pity and whining since I straitened Patience's hair.I seriously wanted to slap the petulant look from his face!Next he decides finally to clean out the garage so we can put the ford in it for the winter.Ha, it's December!But of course it's my fault that there is soo much stuff to be cleaned out.Let me tell you what these things include. Crib, hello I weigh 96lbs, and I'm supposed to put it in the attic?Maternity clothes from garage sale, ok I need to bag them up but that takes two seconds and barely takes up any room!Garage items, such as lawnmower, grill and miscellaneous garden tools.Yeah right!I don't think he wants me to decide where to put these things.BEND OVER! Then there are the empty Christmas decoration boxes, and really do I have to do everything?Yes, apparently I do , because all of these things being in the way was my fault.
It has truly been a beat-the-mommy-up kind of week!None of my family seem to appreciate anything I do.I know.Such is the life of a mother, right?I have to say that at least my friends get that I don't just sit around and do nothing.Last night our cousin called me and asked what I was doing.I told her I was laying on the bed.She was at once concerned and surprised.I explained that I had just finished folding, ironing and putting away all the laundry.My back hurt!However it was obvious to me that she never expected me to be sitting down, much less laying down, during my day.No ,I usually don't, except for meals or with sick children.It was nice having someone realize this.My smallest is sassy and demanding.My first-born is dramatic and full of attitude.My oldest and biggest(hairiest too) child is oblivious, whiny and tyrannical.What is a poor domestic engineer to do?Gosh,I love them!!

Love and mommies rock, Hildi

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Somedays it's a hollow victory...

Okay okay okay...I know. I'm the worst sister ever for not blogging more frequently! But I swear I have been on the go non stop since Thanksgiving, which of course resulted in the total rebellion of my body...and I was sick as a dog yesterday. And there is sooo much news!

First off...crisis averted with Lulu...for now. We had a long talk Thanksgiving night. Peter admitted to her that he had in fact been drinking most of the week. His defense? Well he wasn't getting to see her so what did it matter? He just doesn't seem to get that it is one of their biggest problems. He's only 18 and he's already a drunk. He doesn't "see the harm in having one or two". Um...first're not even legal, and second...he's mean to her when he's drinking. So he wanted to call and talk to her. I asked her if she was leaning towards forgiving him and she said "probably". You'd be so proud...I didn't burst in to tears like I wanted to. I sat down across from her, took her hands, and calmly asked "why?". Why would you not respect yourself enough to want better? I understand that you love him, but you have to know that you can't love someone enough to fix the broken parts. They have to want to fix them themselves and he doesn't even see whats broken. He doesn't validate your feelings at all. It's only a problem if he thinks it is. And it's NOT going to get better. It's going to get worse. Way worse. If he trips out on you about ordering food from the wrong place or going to the grocery store w/out telling him first. What's he going to do if you make a mistake balancing the checkbook? Then I told her Bill's mom's story and his sister's stories. Then I left her alone for awhile. When I came back she was crying quietly and said..."you're right. I don't want to live like that. I love him though and I don't know if I'm strong enough to leave him. And I don't think I can stay here in this area and do it." I told her we would get her out of here if that's what it took!!! And that I was incredibly proud of her and I would do whatever I could to help she only had to tell me what she needed.

So he called her late that night and she took the phone downstairs and I waited up for her. After an hour in which I frantically prayed to just about every god or goddess ever imagined she came back up. And let me tell you I was prepared for the worst...for her to say she gave in...but she didn't. She asked me to sleep with her and I held her little sob wracked body all night. It broke my heart. And I know that if it was that hard on was ten times worse for her. At one point she rolled over and said "promise me that I'm better off without him" and I did. And I truly truly believe it. And I think that she does too deep down. So it's been a rough couple of days off and on. I know she's still hurting inside and I also know that other then letting her know I'm here for her, there's not much I can do to make it hurt less.

He texts her several times a day still. He's threatened to end his life, told her he knows she's being forced to do this, that he'll love her forever, that she obviously never loved him. You know, the same old manipulative stuff as always. I know the "I'll love you forever, my life means nothing without you, you're the only good thing that ever happened to me" ones get to her. I can see it on her face. But she doesn't respond to them and so far she shows me every single one. She says she wants to make sure I know she's serious. Thankfully he's also still an idiot and also texts her stupid stuff about how drunk he's gotten. Which reinforces her choice. I'm still scared to death she'll give in and go back to him. God knows it's happened before. And alot of people are positive it will happen again. But I just let her know that I know she can do this.

I did tell her a few days later about our plan to not let her move out. She said that she would have been upset that we were taking her freedom from her. But she would've had understood. And that as move out time got closer, she was getting more and more scared and wasn't sure she could do it anyway. So she wouldn't have hated us. Whether it would have worked out or not, I don't know for sure. But I like to think I was making the right decision. (haha).

Irwin's visit was great! He was very good and we all enjoyed it...even with the tension over Lulu's situation. We got outside and took some really great family pics. I can't even remember the last time we got one with the whole family in it! We went golf carting, and for boat rides. Then we all took him to his house friday night and went out for pizza. We don't always get to do stuff the whole family because of work schedules and things so it was really great. Irwin didn't seem at all upset about going back to his group home. He seems very settled there. Don't get me wrong...he adores us (especially Lulu) and enjoys his visits home, but if he's with us too long the lack of his normal routine seems to upset him. So it was a good night.

Lulu and I have shopped til I dropped this weekend. Got a lot of bargains! Helped mom & dad out some with their shopping...thus insuring I get what I asked for!!! Lol. Spent alot of the weekend with Bill & his family since he had to return to Cali this week. Had a bunch of people over for dinner sunday night. Kind of a going away party for Bill. Mexican night!! Ate tons and played trivial pursuit. Good times for sure. Now I feel like I could sleep for a week. =]

Lulu spent alot of the weekend with Bill since his leave was up this week. That boy is entirely crazy about her. And his family loves her. They just swallow her up into them. He had a really hard time going back and leaving her. But he's pretty good about not pushing her. She says she has feelings for him that are more then friendly but she's still getting herself out of her last situation and she doesn't want to think long term right now. She wants to have some time to figure out who she is and what she wants. She wants to do some traveling, visit some friends, explore her independence. And that she couldn't ask him to wait for her or promise him anything right now. He told her he understood and that she didn't have to ask...because he'd been waiting for a while now...he'd just keep waiting til she was ready. I want her to have that independence she's looking for but I do hope someday she finds he's what she's looking for because that is one great guy.

Well now that you've read my novel!!! Haha. I'll go do my turn on the booknotes. Hope that prudence is feeling better today and that so is her mommy! Tummy flu is no fun for anyone!

hope, faith & love,


Thursday, November 27, 2008

keep your heart and guard it!!

Well darlin I have to say that it's probably to late to lock the barn door after the cows have escaped! Dad and I are of the opinion that doing these things will make your situation worse. It will only keep deteriorating for the next year. I would hate to see her treat you guys like enemies. And that's what you'll be if you take her choices away. You have always treated her like an adult and given her your trust before. Now because of Peter it's like your telling her it was all crap! I know you don't want to see her get hurt emotionally or physically, but that could happen at any time if she stays with him. Keeping her home won't keep her away from him. You know I think it's time for you to let her go. Let her make her own mistakes, and still love and trust you enough to come home when they smack her in the face.

Mom is with you one-hundred percent! She would do everything in her power to stop Lulu from going. She believes Lulu is not old enough to move out or make her own decisions and she would use the law to keep her at home. Mom thinks Lulu won't hold it against you or be bitter and pissed for a year before she leaves. Also she is worried about Lulu being the type to fall prey to the abuse Peter is probably going to dish out, and not be strong enough to get out of it.

Now, having read these things, do you remember what a jerk I was at Lulu's age? Who doesn't? I made a lot of mistakes and treated mom and dad like crap. Especially when they tried to interfere or say no. Ultimately it's up to you and Larry to make the call! The last thing I will say is that if she's not even sticking up for you on texts anymore, then it's most likely time for her to check out real life without you!

Love and The DA? Seriously? Who are you? Hildi

Here's my heart...Please shatter it!

Sorry!!! I know it was my turn and I cheated with the text blurbs but honestly life has been in such chaos lately! Mostly because of Lulu...but also because we got Irwin home for a visit...and because of being sick. You know, the usual.

So Lulu...geez...that girl is gonna be the death of me. Honestly Jaci said I was brilliant the other day...but I don't feel brilliant. In fact...if you ever hear me offer parenting advice to anyone ever again...please slap me...because it's obvious that I have not got a clue. So things were getting rough. And it had definately gotten into an us [her parents] vs. them [her & peter] situation which is never good of course. So Larry and I talked it over and I took her out for lunch & coffee and presented her with two choices. First choice: she could move out a week from monday (this was on a saturday). But she had to give us this entire week. No Peter at all. Just to gel as a family again and repair all of our broken relationships. So that she was leaving on good terms and would remember that she had a home she could always come back to with people who loved her. Second choice: she could stay indefinately. She would have rules though. 10:30 curfew on weeknights, midnight on weekends. No staying overnight at Peter's house. Asking before making plans. Getting her GED. Enrolling in college. She chose option one. I knew she would but hoped she wouldn't. So we start our "family" week and it's going great. Really feeling like it did when we were on vacation. Tuesday she and I go to springfield to get Irwin. We had lunch, shopped a little, it was awesome. Like old times. Absolutely no fighting. Then Peter starts texting me. Then he's being an ass about how I'm not allowed in his house. (I was going to go over and help Lulu shampoo the bedroom carpet). And how he's such a great guy because he got her a car. (um. actually his dad is giving them a car for Lulu to drive. They are supposed to make payments on it but he NEVER pays his dad back.) yeah, he's a prince alright. So I'm showing Lulu every text & my response and we're kinda laughing at him. Good day!

Well yesterday we are sitting in the family room and just playing around I ask to read her text messages (always more interesting then mine). So she hands me the phone. Turns out he texted her tuesday and said I was a "dumb bitch". Now this doesn't suprise me but what hurt was that she didn't defend me at all. Talk about stomping on a mothers heart. Well obviously we had a scene. I'm not sure I can forgive this one. First off she knew I wasn't being a bitch and second how could she let him say that about me and not jump his ass?! I don't let anyone call her that! So things were rough yesterday. Larry gave her a good talking to as well. And Jethro just didn't talk to her. She went to work. Of course she texted a million apologies and said she texted him and lectured him about respecting her parents and stuff but who knows. So Larry and I talked and I called the State Police to see if she really could move out at 17. He didn't know for sure but didn't think so if we didn't allow it. He gave me the DA's number and said to call them friday for sure. He did say we could revoke her drivers license if we want until she's 18. Did you know parents could do that?! Wow. Anyway. We discussed it and if she can't legally move out without our permission til she's 18 we aren't giving it. She'll stay here and she'll have some pretty strict rules. She may hate me for it for now...but in the end she'll thank me. And I couldn't look myself in the face if I let her go to him without a fight. Because he'll destroy her.

But the best part is...last night she goes to the grocery after work to pick us up some stuff and then comes home and is talking to me. Her phone keeps going off...turns out its Peter. He wants to know why the hell she's at the grocery. What is she doing? Why isn't she answering?! I mean he's seriously tripping out. So she texts him that she's screwing the stockboys. Hahaha. Then he gets all mad at her and accuses her of going there to see Riley (her first know the marine). That he knows he's back in town. So basically he's accusing her of being a whore who lies to him. Well she gets pissed and tells him off. He keeps texting not making sense and we decide he's probably been drinking (which he's promised her not to do) and he's being a dick. (ooo...big suprise). So far she hasn't heard from his today and she's still pissed. So she says and I hope to hell it's true!!!! So that's the story for now.

How is your visit with mom & dad going?! I miss you guys so much and wish we were there!

Irwin's visit is going great!!! We are having a blast.


Sunday, November 23, 2008

Text Blurbs...

Sometimes you, dear reader, do not get the behind the scenes fun. So today I'm including the texts Hildi & I sent after she blogged last...

Me: Read blog. Thanks suzy sunshine for ur uplifting commentary.

Hildi: Har har poop stain! I try to give a different view and that's your snarky comment?! Jk putting the g's nite-nite.

Me: I love you. Thanks for being there. G'nite g's.

Hildi: Ruv u too!

What would I do without her?

Friday, November 21, 2008

I'm good at lying!!

Ok, so I used to be good at lying. I'm still fairly proficient at it with my kids. While I agree that it is sometimes only a form of denial, it often happens when I am trying to make things easier for others. Maybe that's your answer. Maybe you shouldn't just lie to yourself. Try using it with Lulu!
When you talk to her about moving out and things that will have to be bought or gotten or prepared for, just tell her, " I'm sure Peter will take care of that." Then when he so obviously doesn't, maybe it will open her eyes even faster. Or at least piss her off enough to leave and do some thinking of her own. I think right now she must feel like everyone else is telling her what is best for her and her life. She is telling everyone what they want to hear. Has she really had a chance to stop and think on her own? No, I don't know where she'd go to do it. But I feel like when your smack-dab in the middle of a situation it is very hard to get a clear view. Lying to her won't make things easier for her, but it could help if she's not feeling pressure from your side and can at least relax and be herself enough to tell YOU the TRUTH!
If your going to stick to not letting her walk on you guys then at least make the relationship a good one when she leaves. And she will. I realize this goes against every fiber of the being that hates Peter. Let her know you love her and have accepted the inevitable. She will always have a home and a family that loves her, but it's time to shit-or-get-off-the-pot! There is no halfway. Spend the days you have left being the mom and daughter you used to be. Not pissed off and stressed about things you can't control. Ask her to set a date of departure for her family and then live like it's not coming! You know?
I hate to see this happen to you two, not only for your sake, but because it is a horrific reminder to all mommies out there (me) who have babies they never want to leave. Granted ,Peter is the nightmare that also wakes us up at night! But truly when the time comes for me, with it's icy wings and bone-numbing hollowness, I want to be able to have good memories of our short time before it's gone. We ,don't get it back, even if they come home. Once it's changed, well it's changed.

Love and family, Hildi

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

So I lied...

I have not come to terms with the Lulu situation at all!!! I'm so stressed and strung out about it I can barely think straight. Why the change you ask? Well there are several contributing factors...first Peter is a pain in the ass. Went with him to get the ring. It was okay. He was even kind of cute in that dopey male way they all have. You know, talking about when to give it to her, what he'd say, and just being all proud of himself. Of course he totally ruins all that not two hours later by texting me to ask if Lulu can go to a party when she gets off work. Um. Hello. Were you not listening earlier when I told you that your drinking was one of the biggest problems I had with you? Not to mention that you both have to work the next day so that's seriously irresponsible. So he says he's not going to drink much and Lulu can drive. So um, not only are you dragging my daughter to a party at one of your sisters friends houses (his sisters hate Lulu and are not nice to her) but now she's supposed to watch you and your loser friends and family drink yourselves stupid and drive your irresponsible alcoholic ass home? Gosh, why wouldn't I say yes when you present such a fun filled option for her?! I finally said he'd have to talk to her. Of course she said no. So not only was he mad at her, but so were his friends and family. You know, for being such a fun-sucker and trying to turn him into a sober, responsible, mature human being. Damn that girl! And then the next night he got all pissy in text messages with me because we gave her a 10:30 curfew. And won't let him come to our house anymore. As thought I need to discuss my rules with him? I think he's damn lucky we let her out of the house at all.
The second reason for my discontent is that Bill is home. Yep, graduated from marine boot camp friday, flew into Kansas City saturday and headed home. His first stop? The mall to see Lulu at work. Then we went to lunch with his grandparents, mom, sister & niece, and him yesterday. He wore his uniform. People stopped by the table to tell him how proud they were and that they appreciated what he was doing for his country. Honest to god I had goosebumps. Then she hung with him and then Jethro and I met them at Applebees for dinner. They look amazing together. And he treats her with respect and affection. It hurts to watch, knowing that she chooses to be with someone who treats her like crap and no one respects, much less likes. Even if she never dated Bill, the fact that she can't see how she deserves to be treated and respect herself enough to want that breaks my heart. I kick myself now. I can see a dozen different places I should have put my foot down and maybe Peter would be out of her life. Somedays it hurts to even look at her knowing that she'll be leaving our house to be with him.

On a good note...I'm going to see the midnight showing of "twilight" tomorrow night!!! I'm so freakin excited, it's not even funny! Bill's mom invited me & Lulu. Since she has kids who work at the movie theatre she's got the pull to get us the tickets & get us in early for good seats!!! Woot woot! I can't wait.

Also, Larry is considering putting in for a job in Minnesota. Pretty exciting, dontcha know? Haha. It's farther north then Fargo, ND. I can't wait to be snowed in with them bears & timber wolves. He's not for sure he wants to apply but me & Jethro are up for the adventure!

I took in some laundry for the deer hunters who are here this week & let me just tell you they paid well!!! The going up & down the stairs to the laundry room put me in some pain...but it was worth it. Nice guys. Great accents. Good tippers!

And last but not least...Lulu's older cat passed away today. We cried and cried. I know she was in pain and that it's better this way but she will be missed. She had taken in the last week to laying on my lap while I was working on the computer. Her company & her warmth will be sorely missed.

tears & smiles & smiles through tears,

Sunday, November 16, 2008

You tell me in a blog?


I really can't believe you didn't call me to tell me about Thanksgiving! What, are you a fifteen-year-old boy who's afraid to break up in person? Your poop! I understand about the gas though. The holiday season is hard enough on the pocketbook, without adding gas into the equation. That is partially why we got presents this month, so we can afford to come home for Christmas. It's usually about two-hundred dollars just in gas alone. But it has been forever it seems since we've been there.
Congrats about coming to terms with Lulu's situation. Peter is poop! I'm very glad at least she'll have a lovely ring to show for it. Hopefully the pawn shop she visits will give her a good price for it. Hypothetically speaking, of course! Will we have the pleasure of Peter's company for Christmas? I'll have to start working on Jerome's manners now.
Speaking of Jerome, I seem to have found a way to keep the peace between us. It's not a new method. Just one that we, as women, hardly ever use. There are so many reasons I had been neglecting it. Sleep, for example. Also, it is very hard to look at your husband a certain way when all you can think are evil thoughts! Truly though why not give them their ten to fifteen minutes when it makes life so much more pleasant for us all? I'll let you know how long I can maintain the illusion of desire! Heck maybe it will actually become real. Hahahaha! That's poop!

Love and pleasantries, Hildi

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Letting go...

I have decided you're right. There's truly nothing I can do. Yes, I do remember how I felt. Unfortunately, I now also understand how mom & dad felt. And Larry summed it all up when he said "god, the next time I see your dad I'm going to apologize profusely for what I put him through. he's a better man then me". So there you go. And through it all...mad as they were...I still knew they loved me. And really...this bad choice is NOT worth losing my daughter or the relationship I have with her over. And maybe (huge "maybe" here) it will come out all right in the end. As you said, I've fought the good fight, the best way I knew how. Time to trust her judgement. (Wow. Who knew that was gonna be so damn hard or suck so bad?) So in the interest of that...I'm actually going to the jewelry store with him today. I know that sounds counter productive but if he's determined to buy a ring...I'm going to make sure it's worthy of my baby. And maybe she'll be smart enough to say no anyway? Yeah...I'm not betting the farm on it...but engaged isn't married.

Christmas christmas christmas. Geez! Seriously, I'm bowing down to your magnificent feat of organization. Seriously, who knew you had it in you??? Or that you and Jerome could actually work together without being at each others throats? I have only accomplished the feat of finishing my christmas shopping before thanksgiving once in my entire life. And it was totally on my own. Most of my gifts will be of the homemade variety this please...pretend you like them. As long as I stick with edibles for the men, I know I'm safe. Lol. But I do need to get my crafty little butt in gear.

So we are not going to be able to come to your house for Thanksgiving. Sorry love. I can't afford the gas. So I opted for saying we were going and staying home...just me, Larry & Jethro...Lulu has committed to going to Peter's relatives. But Larry says we must make appearances at his family's shindigs. Woo freakin hoo. This means I get to make a call to the non favorite sis in law to get times and my bring a covered dish assignment. I couldn't be more thrilled. Go holidays!

Well, I'm off to town. At least I have lunch with Roxy to look forward to. And a trip to the library. Yeah...I live the exciting life. You know you're jealous. =]

good friends, good food, good books,

Friday, November 14, 2008

You need a drink!


Wow! I'm getting the feeling your upset. Honestly, there isn't a stinkin thing you can do to change it. Really. That's it. It won't stop her decisions from breaking your heart, hurting your head, or just plain pissing you off! However, you have to let her go! It may be into the arms of, if not the dumbest guy ever, at least the most wrong for her guy you know. Still, until she decides otherwise, that is all. No, I realize I don't have a teenager, but I don't think their feelings now are that different then they were when you were about her age. Yes, the situation was different. Larry is a good guy. You had not lived at home in over a year. But remember how mom and dad tried to talk you into waiting and finishing college. They did everything they could to convince you that you were too young and there was no need to rush.They couldn't see the future and neither can you. She might move out and open her eyes enough to be done with him. I'm not saying your wrong in Lulu's situation. The point is you can't talk her out of good or bad choices, because they're her choices. Harsh? I'm sorry! Hey I could be wrong! It has happened once or twice.( Don't tell! ) I love you both and I wish there were more I could do or say to ease this conflict. Do me a favor and try not to get soo stressed! Realize that you fought the good fight and stand down for a bit.
For the last five years at Christmas time it has been; me making the list, me going shopping, and me wrapping the presents. Ok so Jerome does help wrap, because he freakin rocks at it! The difference this year is he was off this past week and so we decided to get things done. I have to say that he came through with flying colors. Calm down! For a man that means he only complained twice on both days, and made me angry three times. Oh yeah the traffic almost caused a spastic attack of some sort, but really he was great. I am done except for two people and it isn't even Thanksgiving!!! I thank you Jerome. You have made my season sooo much easier.( Take note, because tomorrow I will be mad at him again!

love and haha Christmas(take that), Hildi

Bah Humbug!


Why is she my mom when she's doing something bad? Do you only claim her when she's good?! So flashback for you...remember my senior year when I asked mom & dad for birth control? After all of their "you can come to us with anything" talks and I screwed up my courage to face them, they exploded. Mom way more then Dad, surprisingly. Remember how not only did I not get my birth control, but Mom didn't speak to me for three solid weeks (not a word). She even asked Dad to go shopping with her!!! I do not want to be like that. Really. But I'm so upset & disappointed with Lulu right now it's hard to even look at her, much less speak civilly. All the cautious optimism? Yeah, that's just me fooling myself. Apparently Peter & his friend George are fixing up the house George bought (currently it lacks plumbing in the bathroom) so that they (and Lulu) will have a place to live. And he's going ahead and buying the ring. Not only am I scared s#!tless for her, I just feel so betrayed. I know...they are supposed to grow up and gain some independence and eventually leave the nest. I also know that they will fall in love and then put that person above all others including mom & dad. And if I thought he was even remotely worthy of her love or even had the potential to be worthy...I think (I hope) I could be supportive even though she's so young. But my put someone who's obsessive, controlling, drunk, mean spirited, and dumb (sorry, but he is!) above the family that has bent over backwards for you for your entire life just seems like a slap in the face. And I'm not sure how to handle this best. Good god...why can't they come with instruction booklets...and troubleshooting tips like electronic devices do??!

Hahahaha on your christmas woes! Not that I am unsympathetic...I've just been there...and the only thing to do is laugh...or you will cry. I gave up ever asking Larry for gift-giving suggestions long ago. I make a list, do the shopping, and then tell him what I bought. Mostly, I do all the wrapping too because he sucks at it. He even gets Lulu to make a list for him, shop with him (sometimes without him), and then wrap the gifts he gets me!!! Which is an improvement because the first year we spent christmas together he gave me all my gifts in brown paper sacks. I cried. Did I mention that the man hates christmas? Seriously! Has ever since I met him. And in what will be 20 christmases together, I have not been able to change his mind or inject any appreciation for the yuletide festivities into his spirit. Weird, huh? He is the original Scrooge. Bah Humbug!

Speaking of our parental units, I will be seeing them tomorrow I guess. They are coming down to gma's and I so I will go over there for a little while. Guess I better get Jethro & Lulu to finish up those lists today. Don't want the Christmas termagent breathing down my neck! Another funny thing you even with lists...sometimes we don't get the one thing we really wanted (muffin tins!!). I'm just saying...

in a flurry of list making,

Thursday, November 13, 2008


Ok so your not thinking of Christmas and that's all I think about.No I'm not crazy!Wait, I am, but not in this situation.Your mother has already started driving me nuts! Every year I give her a list for the girls. Not one, not two, but three of the same stinking list. Then as if that weren't enough, she buys the stuff I have on my list and I must scramble to exchange two days before holiday!! Uugggg! Lord knows I love the woman, and it always makes my babies happy, but holy-holiday-stress! By the way I have you and Lulu done. Ha. My husband is no help during this festive season either. I ask what he wants to get for his mom, dad, step-parents, and the others every year. Just to make myself insane I suppose. Never involve an oaf with vital yuletide decisions!
After having said that, get ready the padded room, because I am taking him Christmas shopping for our angels tonight. I mean really, they are his kids as well. I fear for my sanity and his very life. Truly I want to be done in time to enjoy my Christmas this year. Since we are coming home for festivities, there will be a lot more to be done. Bah!
I am very glad that something I said helped someone. Bad boyfriends (or husbands) aside, loving those babies through thick and thin is the only important thing in this life. Sure Gert I'd like to have a career, independence, and space to myself. But they are the reason I get up in the morning. They are my heart, my soul, the air that I breath. Plus, what would they all do without me?

Love and LISTS!!! Hildi.

Re: Hildi's help


Well your help was appreciated and Lulu read it and agreed that she is at a VERY scary time in her life with lots of decisions to face. And it was possible that the only reason she stayed with him was because it was familiar and he makes decisions for her. Grr. She stayed home with the fam last night and we talked some. Of course I can never see inside her head but I think we've given her some things to think about and I have some cautious optimism. She really just needs to get out of dodge and expand her horizons. One of the bad things of living in a rural community is that you can never get away from the people you need just keep running into them. But whatever comes...we will work through it. I am sick however that she missed the opportunity to go to california with Bill's parents and see him graduate from marine boot camp. I understand that she didn't feel right letting them pay her way when she wasn't dating him but I know how dissapointed he is that she's not coming [I mean they were really close friends when he left and have written letters like crazy] and I think she will be kicking herself later. I'm hoping he gets some leave time and comes home for a visit. I miss that boy like he was one of my own!

I really like the idea of everyone doing their own laundry but that wouldn't solve the problem because Larry would just forget to do his. Jethro did ask me to teach him how.

Its not drivers ed that puts bad drivers on the road. They do actually fail some kids. It's the dmv that gives them their license in the first place and then keeps renewing it. I do remember gpa's friends driving. I also remember some of them riding their rascals and motorized scooters to the bar. Oh my stars! Save us from inebriated octogenarians! Or how about the ones who would turn off their oxygen tanks so they could smoke?!

And I am trying not to think about christmas! At least mine are old enough to realize that christmas will be slim this year. And they both have jobs so they just buy alot of the stuff they want. All Jethro says he wants is jeans (apparently he's stocking up so as never to run out again). The problem is he outgrows them so fast. He shoots up a couple inches and is finally filling out so he's not a beanpole anymore. And Lulu mostly wants books & movies. And Irwin...gosh he's easy. I mean telephone cords are his favorite toy. And anything spongebob. Anytime I see anything Hanna Montanna I think of Patience. Lol. Good luck with that. =-]

Well I gotta go. Larry picked Jethro up from school today and they went to town to run errands. They're gonna come back all hopped up on mountain dew & taco bell. Woo hoo!

missing their baby days,

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Hildi's help

I simply cannot apologize enough for my absence! However as I know you too have been sucked into those addictive books by Stephenie Meyer, I am willing to bet I'm forgiven! Holy crap Peter is a huge, stinking problem. No, murder( or thoughts of) is totally not the answer. He really does need counseling for his obsessive behavior. Not only with Lulu, but also the drinking. Would Lulu be opposed to that suggestion? If she suggested it to him and he refused, you could totally work the " if he loved you" angle. I really don't think there are many options for opening her eyes to the horrendous future he is signing her up for. Your Lulu is indeed very intelligent. The problem is she's seventeen. When your that age you are basically an adult, if only in the eyes of yourself and certain laws. She needs to feel that in the different aspects of her life; like job, car, relationships. Obviously Peter is not the right choice for an adult relationship, but he's what she knows. With life being wide open, unsheltered, and full of choices at this point, it's easy to see the need for a security blanket. Even one as offensive as Peter!! There is nothing you can do. You know it. This is up to Lulu to decide if she is woman enough to move into the great unknown without him. It will be lonely sometimes and really bleak, but the first time she does something without anyone (family or Peter) it will be the best feeling in the world. Until she has babies of course. That is beyond words. I realize this is not the sort of help you require, but short of doing something heinous, I'm at a loss.
LAUNDRY!!!! Omg! It never freakin ends! I will be doing laundry in hell, I just know it. I really think your family members should all be responsible for their own laundry. Hopefully someday I too will be there. Ha! POOP on drivers ed. They let terrible drivers on the road everyday. And the DMV keeps them there far after it's time for them to be in a home or care facility. Remember how many of grandpa's friends and neighbors had cars? And drove them?! Bah on drivers ed. Also bah on overpriced video games, electronic toys and barbie boats!! I swear by the time Christmas is over Hannah Montana will owe me money. Any hoo gotta go . Only have two chapters left in Breaking Dawn!!!!!

Love and vampires, Hildi

Help me Hildi!


So you are taking your sweet time replying to my quite evident laundry crisis. I can only hope that this is because you are swept up in the happenings of the great town of Forks with the Cullen clan & their friends. [meaning that she has her nose buried in the book "Breaking Dawn"].

So I took some time to peruse the web for other blogs I might enjoy reading, following, recommending. And can I just say "wtf??!" Now...I'm not suggesting that anything you or I post is ever going to be Pulitzer winning but I hope it doesn't leave people scratching their heads and wondering how we can possibly be that stupid and yet live. Everything is either extremely cynical, extremely insipid or downright ludicrous. Oh and apparently only democrats blog...this is evidenced by the enormous amount of pro-Obama wording. So I guess that makes us unusual. And I promise to further strive for entertaining and relevant material.

Now for the ranting part of this post:

I HATE Peter!!! Good god. What is Lulu thinking?! And yes...I know...we've known he's a no good loser verbally abusive drunk ass piece of s*&t for the last two years, but yet again I have to wonder why she doesn't realize this and kick him to the curb once and for all??! He started texting me the other day about how good things were going with him and Lulu. This after they fought sunday again about his drinking. I told him he was an idiot if he thought that. He said that if Lulu told me they were having problems then she was a liar because they weren't. [Hello?! You did not just flat out call my baby a liar?! Are you really that dumb?! The answer is yes...he is!] He then further had a fit because I said he couldn't come over that night. Not what I said at all. I asked Lulu if she wanted to hang out with me that night because Larry & Jethro would not be home. His reply: You got to see her all day and I don't even get the three hours after I get off work. Dude. I'm her MOM! Not to mention that I saw her for two hours this weekend and the rest of the time [when she wasn't at work] she was with you! Get a grip. So the very next day he starts in with the how I'm trying to make things hard for them and they don't have any problems blah blah blah. AND...he does it again. Calls her a liar! So I tell him to stop texting me I'm not gonna listen to his shit. Then I talk to Larry. Then I talk to Lulu and say you to pieces, cannot watch the way he treats you anymore, he's not allowed at the house anymore after tonight. Lulu says she understands. Knows that we love her, ect. Whether she really does or not...who's Lulu. She's not the most emotionally available girl.

So...wonder of wonders [my god the boy is stupid]...he texts me this morning. Conversation goes like this:

him: U sayn i cant come over that only looks like ur tryn to split us up cause this is between me & her & everythings ok now u just make it harder.

me: No. It's our house and we don't want you here. And we don't support her decision to be with you. And as for making it's hard. Get used to it. Deal with it.

him: then u cant stop her from stayn with me.

me: what? staying with you where?

him: I guess where ever we can go now at nite so we can c each other.

me: Um. I'm her mom. She's not 18 yet. I can pretty much stop her from doing anything so don't freakin tell me what I can and can't do!

him: not if she moves out.

me: she can't yet.

him: she's 17. so she can or after she gets her ged. [unfortunately he's right]

me: After she gets her ged. maybe.

him: which she will soon i dont get why ur tryn to push her out cause thats what ur doin.

me: no. I'm trying to get her to get rid of you. And right...if you think she's getting that ged soon you're wrong. [mostly because I'm trying to convince her not too!]

him: that's not going to happen. [getting rid of him I guess]

me: it has before. why should this time be any different?

at which point Lulu got up, read the texts and told him to stop texting me because he's only making things worse! Oh I continuously plot his demise. Only to remind myself that it's really bad karma and I need to stop! Help me Hildi! What's my next move?

at my wits end,

Monday, November 10, 2008

So hard to get good help...


Welcome to monday morning! So how was the [hopefully] brief visit with your monster-in-law? I hope Patience enjoyed the movie. Shame on Jerome!

So today started with Jethro waking me at 6:30 to inform me that he had no clean pants and therefore could not attend drivers ed today. Do you think that's a legitimate excuse I can phone in to the school secretary? "I'm sorry...Jethro won't be coming to school today...he's suffering from a case of nobodydidlaundryatmyhouse-itis." Thankfully he's acing the class [really...who doesn't ace driver's ed?] and won't be harmed by today's mini vacation. And when I did rise at 8 he was watching a show on the history channel about samurais in 15th century japan. Thank god I have intellectually motivated children!

Back to what appears to be a laundry crisis. How does this happen you ask? Well apparently the "laundry fairy" [Lulu] did not do laundry this weekend and so the resulting lack of pants in my household. And truly there was a lack for Larry was forced to wear camouflage pants this morning as they were the only ones he had clean. Well on Lulu's behalf...she did work friday night, saturday and sunday. And she went to bed at 8 last night due to lack of sleep saturday night [her own at Peter's cousins house. Also attended by Jethro who subsequently slept most of yesterday]. How to avert future crisises? Well I came up with a list. All of the options seemed like common sense to me know...

  1. Please inform backup "laundry fairy" [me] that laundry has reached critical mass.
  2. When taking last pair of pants from closet please inform SOMEONE that it is indeed your last pair!
  3. Learn, in case of emergency of course, to do your own damn laundry!

up to my neck in dirty clothes,


Saturday, November 8, 2008

Re: Re: Husbands


I remember that day! I always wondered what their video entailed. I should have realized that not only was I about to begin a life long war with my body, but also a love and hate relationship with males! Shame on Larry for dragging poor little Jethro into that foul category of thoughtless oafs! At least you still have Lulu! Boy, is she in for a long ride.
I spoke with mom and dad last night and they requested a Christmas list. Of course I told mom I would send it and I told dad I would e-mail it. Obviously they can't be the same! Well I must go for now as the dreaded mother-in-law will be picking up Patience for the movies. Yes you are right. How did you know Jerome is taking Prudence and running like hell before she gets here?

bad words,

Re: Husbands


The answer to the question of when they attained this ability is easy. Remember in school when they took all the girls out of the classroom for the "becoming a woman" video? Well that's when the boys got to see the "making the most of your testosterone-fueled loutishness". I'm pretty sure their video was way more fun. I had hoped to avoid this behavior in Jethro since he's home schooled...but I'm pretty sure Larry snuck him out to see the video. Damn his male hide!

Grr...apparently Jethro thinks I should feed him breakfast before he goes to work. Gotta go!


Friday, November 7, 2008

just to clarify...

I just want everyone to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the xmas lists were intended to be funny. I don't want anyone sending child protective services after either hildi or I! So for the record:

We do not encourage our children to:

  • drink

  • smoke

  • make career choices which involve poles

  • play with weapons of mass destruction

  • overindulge in either frozen burritos or pop tarts (regardless of flavor)

  • abuse prescription drugs

  • engage in violent behavior

  • eat copious amounts of candy corn

  • view porn or pose for porn

  • do anything for which they might need an alibi

There I think that covers it. Hope that sets your mind at ease dear reader.

much relieved,




Why is it that a husband's sympathy lasts less time than his attention span? They sure are great for those first five minutes! It is precisely the same when you have an argument. They piss and moan and then expect you to be over whatever has happened between the two of you in a matter of hours. I wish I knew if this trait was gained in high school or achieved in early adulthood. Sometimes I truly think it would be a valuable asset for a woman to be able to forgive and forget so quickly. What lady doesn't want to simply forget the harsh remarks or heartbreaking moments caused by a testosterone filled oaf? However I can honestly say I have enjoyed my justified anger and moments of clarity that stem from feeling something for longer than a day! I'm not sure how they are capable of everlasting devotion or love, when they can't sustain any other emotion for more then a few hours or a day at best! And lets face it some things they can't sustain for more then mere minutes!! Oh you short-sighted, narrow-minded, hairy, pain-in-the-asses! I have to go finish laundry now.

love and insanity,

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Hildi's list...

This is a copy of the email that Hildi sent to Dad & I:

My family has a few X-mas wishes of our own.

Prudence: one punching bag( preferably resembling Patience)
weapons of mass destruction( she didn't say why)
huge freakin bag of candy corn to celebrate.

Patience: more dress-up clothes for her night job.
zanex( they help her relax on stage)
bail money( cause you never know)

Jerrome: one fat girl( they're easy)
one bag of flour

me: pack of smokes( my brand)
full tank of gas
new identity
muffin tins are gay!!I really do want skillets.

See ya soon! We love you


As you can see...we really are demented!

Dad's reply...

This is a copy of the email I got in reply from my daddy...

Ha Ha Ha!!!!l

Here's what you get:

Jethro - My good wishes for a very long relationship with whatever you get your hands on.
No beer - I drank it
No cigarettes - I smoked them
No tissues - I blew my nose in all of them
No hand lotion - secret gift for Grandma
No porn - I'm keeping that for me

Lulu - a pencil and tablet to write about you adventures
No condoms - I might need them(it could happen!!)
No tequila - next time don't be so picky(the cheap stuff works too)
No EPT tests - I ordered them wrong and wound up with 2 puppies and a kitten
No pole - I tried to get one, but the bouncer caught me(hope to be released for Thanksgiving)

Larry - Try something different son(if it was that easy, I'd have done it years ago!!)
No stripper - If I could get one, do you really think I'd give her away??
No hatchet - Your mother-in-law has it buried to deep in my back
No bath towels - She'd notice if anything was missing
No garbage bags - at some point in time I'll need everyone I can get to clean that @#%!! basement out

Gert - Are you shittin me! What friggin muffin tins?? I thought that was a joke.
No plane ticket anywhere - but I'll send pictures when I get there and I'll write if I find work.

Irwin - I'm working on a fruit filled frozen burrito, and if it get the patent.

Merry Christmas from Mom and Dad

ps. Mom don't know about this, let's not tell her....okay!

Love, Dad

Quite obviously you can see where Hildi & I get our sense of humor...

xmas time is here again...

So every year my parents ask us to send them xmas list ASAP. If not done by thanksgiving...they are up my ass about it. And my mother always threatens to just get us what she wants to if she doesn't get a list...funny thing is...sometimes she does that anyway. One year...I specifically asked for new muffin tins and my sister asked for skillets. She got muffin tins. I got cookie sheets. No clue how that happens. So last year I got fed up and my family and I discussed this over dinner. As usual with our family discussions it degenerated into insanity and outright laughter. The following is a copy of the email I sent to my dad:


So here are the christmas lists we came up with over dinner:

Beer- he really likes miller lite
Tissues (many boxes)
Hand Lotion

Lulu- condoms
tequila (preferably cuervo gold...she doesn't like the cheap stuff)
a case of EPT tests (in case the condoms don't work)
a brass pole- to practice her new career

Larry- a stripper
a hatchet
a stack of bath towels
garbage bags- the heavy duty kind

Irwin- stock in a frozen burrito company
a lifetime supply of pop tarts- he likes fruit flavors

Myself- those damn muffin tins
one plane ticket to anywhere but here- one way of course!

okay...the real ones we are working on. hope this made you giggle as much as we did coming up with it.


An Introduction...

so let me introduce us...

I'm Gertrude. I'm seven years older then Hildi. We grew up in a military household. Dad was in the service so we got drug all over the place. I went to 9 different schools in 12 years of schooling and Hildi went to 9. I loved moving & didn't mind changing schools. Hildi now says she liked it...but I seem to remember her hating it. Of course I loved school and Hildi hated it. Sometimes I think we grew up in the backseat of the family car...traveling from wherever to wherever or coming home to the midwest and mom's family for visits or to the south for visits with dad's kin. We were a pretty close family and when we moved to a new place we only had each other until we made friends. So despite the age difference, Hildi & I were close. Until I left home. After I graduated, I moved to the midwest to stay with our gma and go to school. Hildi moved to yet another base with the parents way out west. Then I got married (far earlier than planned) and Hildi felt she lost me. Hildi's teenage years were kinda rough and while she was dealing with that I was dealing with three small children, life in a small town, and very little money.

But happily-- years later...I have three teenagers...Irwin...who just turned 18...has autism. He lives in a group home about two hours away where he has access to newer treatments, attends a school with people trained about autism, and can keep a routine. We all miss him dearly but he comes home for visits frequently and seems content where he is. Lulu is 17...she works, has a steady boyfriend (not the one I'd choose for her of course), and is a pretty responsible girl. She's also drop dead gorgeous which creates no end of problems let me tell you. Jethro is 15...he attends the local high school for drivers ed only. We homeschool him and Lulu. He has a genius IQ and really doesn't like a lot of people. He's the funniest person I know. And Larry...the husband. He's a pretty good guy. Funny, hardworking, loves his family.

And Hildi's family? Well she's has two adorable daughters. Patience is 8. And the name is true irony. She is a smart pretty little girl who reminds me alot of Jethro at that age. Intellectually anyway. She is in 3rd grade. Prudence is 3...and beautiful, good-natured and also smart. She is still the baby of the family and very attached to her momma! Both of them of course, adore their aunt Gert! And Hildi is a favorite with my fact...sometimes I think Lulu and Hildi are one soul in two bodies. They are that much alike. And Hildi is married to Jerome. Also a pretty good guy. Hard worker, loves his family, great sense of humor. Currently driving Hildi crazy. But if there's one thing I've learned after 18 years of's that you'll have that now and again.

And Hildi and I once again have each other. Sure I have a little more marriage & parenting experience but we're on way more equal footing. And Hildi is still young enough to remind me what it was like to be a teenager which definately helps.

So read on dear that the basics are out of the way....let's get to the good stuff...