Wednesday, July 29, 2009

My List

You'll have to help me put it on facebook, but here it is in all it's(or my) glory!

Five things I'm good at.
1. I'm really good at lying. Really. Now I only use it for good deeds though!
2. Being a mom. I never thought I would be and had not planned on it. I'm not the best, but I'm so thankful I don't suck.
3. I think I'm a very good friend. That's what my friends say, so we'll go with that.
I'm a great listener and support giver.
4. Photographer. I really don't stand out as far as regular family photos go, but give me an ancient house or gorgeous landscape, and I'll give you a work of art.
5. I am pretty good at pool. I used to be in a league. Now I don't get to play as much, but when I have practice I can beat most guys I know.

Five things I'm not good at.(only five?)
1. Cooking. Maybe I could be, but I have no desire to start trying. Just never got that Betty Crocker jean.
2. I will never be good with the computer. I've been taught, shown and lectured about the damn thing and I still can't grasp it.
3.Taking care of myself. It's only just hit me this year that I should be more diligent in taking care of me. I've concentrated so much time and energy on my family that I may have been lax with myself. More vitamins please!
4. Organizing. It is a wonder we find anything and get where we're going half the time. I need one of those personal planners I had in school!
5. Confrontation. Surprise! For anyone who knew me five or more years ago this will come as a shock. Ok, so I used to be a bitch. Straight up, don't care what anyone thinks, tell ya how it is Bitch! Now I let things go and go and go. I hate to bring things up with loved ones especially.

Five quirks or eccentricities.
1. When I have a virtual pet, I go overboard taking care of it because I feel tremendously guilty if I leave it for too long. Weird I know! But I can't handle it if the poor thing is upset when I check on it.
2. My shower routine is more OCD than eccentric, but I think it fits. I have to apply shampoos and soaps at certain intervals or my whole day is thrown off.
3. Rather than cursing(most of the time) I use antique sayings. Such as; Oh my stars, and Stuff and nonsense, and Pshaw! They grow on you and then you can't get rid of them.
4. I am a singer! Not really. I don't sing very well, but I do it all the time. In the car, making dinner, in the shower and cleaning. Not only that but I sing some odd tunes. Like the song from Best Little Whorehouse in Texas! Not the one Whitney Houston ruined. The one all the girls sing with Dolly when they shut her down. Haha!
5. I guess that leads me to movies. I'm a girl, but I hate romantic comedies. I am very eccentric where movies are concerned. I love action, adventure, horror, and comedies. However, I also love old movies, Charles Dickens movies and kids movies. Still not going to watch The Notebook!

Five things I'm afraid of.
1. Becoming my mother. I love her very much, but I don't want to be that bitter. I don't know if she's ever happy and that scares me.
2. Spiders! Oh My Gosh! I can't breath when I see them. They know it too! I swear they come after me on purpose, because They Know!
3. Not getting to say goodbye. I realize we all have to die sometime, but to me, saying goodbye is so important. It's a terrible feeling when you miss that chance.
4. I am terrified of not being close to my girls when they're older. I love them so much and I hope we'll always have an open relationship.
5. Actually seeing a ghost. I love haunted stories and houses. I even plan to stay over-night at a haunted prison. I just really, really don't want to see one here.

Five things I'm grateful for.
1. My children. All the rest of my family and friends as well. I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to love and be loved by.
2.My humor. Without it life wouldn't be so good. Neither would my husband's!
3.Books. I am ever so grateful to the ladies and gentlemen whose talent keeps me sane.
4.Jeans. Seriously, we might still be in corsets or petticoats. Give me a comfy pair of jeans any day!
5. I am truly grateful for my life. Not only the blessings I have been given, but the fact that I'm still here to have them.

Five things that make up my personal philosophy.
1. Karma is something I firmly believe in as well. I have witnessed it and been on the receiving end of both kinds.
2. I believe it's very important to be good to others anyway. Not because your afraid of Karma but because it makes you a better person. I feel like being good to people has done so much for me.
3. Life is to short to stay angry. Of course I still get mad about things, but I don't stay that way for long. And never walk away angry.
4. Courage isn't something we're born with. It's something we achieve only when we face our fears and move on. The courage to live and love is something we should all strive for.
5.Stay positive. It really helps you and it helps those around you. A lot of the time I don't even think I have a glass. But I'm still looking for it so it can be half full.

I hope I covered everything. You probably didn't know I was so weird, did you?!
Love and Eccentricities, Hildi.

No time!

So apologize I must, but I have to hurry and shower to get ready to go to springfield! So no "Gert's Twitter Experiment" update today. In fact, I borrowed this post from my Facebook. I did this last week. So for those of you who already read it there...sorry! But also in posting it here...maybe Hildi will finally fill one out for herself!

So lately there is alot going on. There seems to be something (or someone) new to worry about every day. And while I know that worry is counterproductive and a waste of energy, sometimes it's hard to shut it off. So that has led me to some deep pondering. And here is what I've come up with:

List 5 things you're good at:

1. Cooking. I'm a freakin awesome cook. Ask anyone.
2. Answering questions. I may not know the right answer but I will make up some amazing bullshit. And you will quite possibly believe it. This is not the same as lying because I don't do it about important stuff.
3. Making people feel good about themselves. (which makes me feel good about me)
4. Finding things to be happy about. Even if they're miniscule.
5. Cuddling. Yep. I'm a pro.

List 5 things you are not good at:

1. Pool. Seriously, I suck. You do not want me on your team.
2. Lying. I'm horrible at it. It makes my stomach hurt. And everyone can see right through it.
3. Telling people "no". Really, I have a hard time saying "no" about anything. But I'm working on it.
4. Staying angry. I cannot hold a grudge. It's just not in me. I always forgive.
5. Doing more then two things at once. Seriously, I cannot multitask anymore. My concentration is shot.

List five quirks or eccentricities:

1. I read magazines from back to front. Always. I firmly believe they put the good shit at the end.
2. I'm addicted to reality tv. Like "Rock of Love" & "Charm School". It makes me feel glad to be me.
3. I have always wanted to dye my hair purple. Seriously. And if it turns out I have to have chemo I'm so going to do this. Because it won't's going to fall out anyways.
4. I only wear silver jewelry. I don't like gold. I don't know why.
5. I have to set things on odd numbers. Like the thermostat or cruise control. I don't like even numbers.

List five things you're afraid of:

1. Snakes. I know. I know. I live in the country. Doesn't matter. I only like the ones behind glass at the zoo.
2. Scarecrows. Not funny. Do not laugh. Every Halloween the people down the blacktop set out their scarecrow by the road. I cannot look at it. It scares the shit out of me. I will get even some day.
3. Recently I have become afraid of answering the phone when it's the doctors office.
4. Losing people I love. I almost didn't include this because it's a given. duh. Isn't everyone?
5. Losing me. I like my personality. I don't want it to change either through physical illness or alzheimers.

List five things you are grateful for:

1. Where I live. I am surrounded by nature's beauty. I love living here.
2. My amazing friends and wonderful family.
3. My sense of humor and ability to get excited over stupid stuff.
4. My inner peace.
5. That my daughter has found someone who encourages the best in her. Truly, Luke, you complete her.

List five things that make up your personal philosophy:

1. Everything happens for a reason. Even if you have no clue what the hell that reason have to have faith that there is one.
2. Everything works out the way it's supposed to in the end. Again...not your job to figure out how...just to believe it will.
3. Karma happens. Do nice things for others (without the need for thanks or approval) and you will have good things happen to you. Do mean things to other people and you're screwed.
4. There is a lesson in everything. It IS your job to figure out what that lesson might be. And whether you are supposed to learn the lesson or teach it by example.
5.It is better to love fully with all your heart and be open to loss then to live behind walls and never let anyone in. Without pain you wouldn't be able to appreciate it's absence.

Those are my deep thoughts for the day.
What are yours?


Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Twoop! I mean poop!

I here by give notice of intent to quit doing any and all laundry! I will give a week for my current employer to find a replacement and then I am on to bigger and better things. Such as; dishes- easy to clean and almost never have to chuck them, cooking- not adding more just continuing to half-ass that one, and child rearing- because I love them and so far I'm damn good at it. With that said, I shall live a much happier and more fulfilling life. Seriously, INK PENS in two different pants pockets? Both my washer and dryer hit? My favorite jeans and sweat pants? Enough is enough!
Hey maybe my life is interesting enough for twitter! Good luck to you Gert. As you know savvy, especially when referring to computers, isn't how one would describe your sister. Anyone. I shall live vicariously through your tweets. At least concerning the one and only Joe Hill! It's okay if he's a bit of a pev. You'd almost have to be a bit of a lot of things to be that creative. Reba? Really? I get the journalist more than that one. Let us all know if they do better or maybe just different things then we do.
I'm going to bed now so I can sulk privately about my ruined pants and dryer.

Boo-hoo,again! Gert!

Twitter- twits 24 hours into "Gert's Twitter Experiment" I can't say I'm impressed. If anyone cares to bother- I added my twitter feed to the side of the blog. First's very complicated to set up. And I consider myself somewhat computer savvy. So if you aren't, you might want to get someone who is to help. Second...NONE of my friends are on twitter. And by that i mean nobody who's in my email contacts which would include nearly everyone I talk to. So in order to really give it a chance...I found some famous people to "follow". They include:

Ann Curry- so I think she's a really good journalist. I don't care if you agree.
Kevin Smith- I think he's a good director and a funny guy. Noticed from twitter, he's a bit of a perv.
Joe Hill- omigod. omigod. omigod. Son of the great Stephen King and a fabulous writer in his own right. LOVED Heart Shaped Box.
Neil Gaimen- another great author. Think Coraline.
Digg- well because it's interesting.
Greg Grunberg- He's Matt the psychic cop on "Heroes".
Reba McEntire- just because I can.

And so far...their "tweets" are interesting but not addictive. Also, when I logged on today, I had two followers. I thought I was pretty special and had actually garnered some attention with my witty "tweets". NO. When I clicked to see who they guessed entertainers inviting me to view their nude pics. Not freakin likely. So apparently, much like myspace, twitter has some spam issues.

Overall, not impressed. But we'll give it a couple of days for good measure.

twittering on,

Tweet? You want some bird seed?

There is no way I'm tweeting, twittering, and or chirping. I don't even like most people. Why would I want them to know what I'm doing? There is also the fact that I just got facebook figured out. It takes up a lot more time than I thought it would. Of course I really didn't need to start a farm or adopt a pet, but gosh it's fun!
The town I live in is small enough that everyone pretty much knows everyone's business, so I don't need people in other places knowing it too! Along those same lines, I have no interest in hearing about others lives. And just like you my own life is not something that would entertain anyone for long! I too have done some laundry and am getting ready to change cat boxes. I will be making dinner and getting children ready for bed after that. Ha ha, a pirate ship has pulled aside of the house and I must defend my booty! Just kidding. But I think you get the point.
I am very sick of doctors visits, so I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Although of the two of us you surely see them more than I anyway. Maybe that means I shouldn't complain now that I've had more than normal. Boo-hoo, complain, whine, and whoa is me! There, I'm done for now. I feel better. At least emotionally. I just want to get the one tomorrow over with and move on. I want my husband to stop looking at me like I'm gonna break or something. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he wants me to be better. He's been very sweet. If he never asks me if I'm all right again it will be too soon! I am alright. Probably just need a tune-up.

Arg! Hildi

Monday, July 27, 2009

Everyday life...

So here it is 3:28 pm and I'm just getting to blog. I got online earlier and checked email, checked some message boards I subscribe too, and checked out a few blogs. Then I finally hauled myself out of my chair and did those everyday mundane tasks that at least make me feel like a contributing member of my household. You know, the chores no one likes to do : cleaned cat boxes, did a couple loads of laundry, tidied the kitchen, made the beds. Then I took a shower (so at least I'm clean and I smell pretty), finally made myself eat something, and then I watched a movie. Vikki Cristina Barcelona. Okay...I must admit, I did doze somewhere in the middle. But I woke up and still understood what was going on so I didn't reverse. It was actually quite an interesting movie. I didn't know it was a Woody Allen movie until it started. Sometimes I like his movies, other times not so much. This one was entertaining. It was one of those little slice of life movies. I guess I like those because I'm such a voyeur. Haha. Really it's the only way I can explain my addiction to reality shows. And here's a confession: I watched reality tv for 9 hours straight yesterday. Okay, not straight because there was a nap from 2:30 to 4. But before and after said nap...reality tv all the way. I just can't seem to help myself.

So on to my next thought...twitter. I don't get it. It's supposed to be the in thing right now. Everyone "tweets". So I went to the website and watched a video about the concept. I still am at a loss. The idea seems to be that you can let other people know exactly what you're doing every moment of everyday. I can't imagine anyone seriously wants to know that about me. I mean how boring would my "tweets" be? I'm sitting at my desk in the family room. I'm laying on the couch in the family room. Ate a fruit cup. Cleaned the cat boxes. Indeed, I think this would only bring home exactly how boring my life is. And anyone who followed my "tweets" would indeed perish from ennui.

The video says that you can follow your friends "tweets". Maybe I don't want to know exactly what my friends are doing all the time. I mean really, if I already know all that, what on earth are we going to talk about over lunch? It used an example that "so & so" didn't know that her friend "whatshisname" was a baseball fan until she read on his twitter that he was watching the game. Um. Excuse me, isn't that the point of conversation? To find out what your friends interests are? Seriously, this twitter business could completely take the place of human face to face interaction. I find this deeply disturbing.

And so let's say there's a lot of people following your "tweets". Isn't that kind of like stalking? I mean how bad would it creep you out if you were picking up a prescription at the pharmacy and the guy looks at you and says "so you had meatloaf for dinner last night?"?? WTF??? Seriously creepy. I just don't think this can possibly end well. That said, you know I'm gonna sign up and give it a try. We'll call it "Gert's Twitter Experiment". And I will post full details! In fact...I will try to get Hildi involved. Muahahaha.

Well I'd better go start this experiment..."tweet you later",

Friday, July 24, 2009

I see light!

Wow! For a few days there it was touch and go. I definitely got addicted. There is so much to do on Facebook! I have a farm and a poke pet. I like the farm, but I love my pet. He's the cutest little frog named Ferdinand! Lots of people to be friends with and talk to. I have found a few people from my second high school.
As you know I didn't go to my high school reunion. Firstly, because I wasn't at the high school I graduated from for more then half a day all year. I didn't really know anyone. Most of my friends where from other schools and work. I obviously wasn't invited to the one I attended before that, because I didn't graduate from there. It would have made a huge impact on my life if I had. Maybe not for the better. Who knows? It is pretty neat to see people's pictures and catch up now. I sent friend requests to two girls I was very close to, so I can't wait to find out how they are and what they're up to. If I had the opportunity to go to a reunion and see them I think I would. Like you, I also enjoyed at least three years and two of my high schools, so I have no hard feeling or bad memories.
I did attend a reunion with Jerome. It was his ten-year reunion. Of course ninety percent of his class still lives in the area, so they still run with the same crowds and have the same friends. Even at that I was surprised at how clique-ish it was. I went to the ladies room{ I'm allowed } and there were those girls who do make-up constantly and offer false compliments until you leave. I couldn't contain my laughter while I listened to their shallow, vain and very annoying conversation.
Then there was the crazy ex from hell! Not kidding. She had to have been about seven months pregnant in heels and a short dress. Normally I would say "bravo sister", but this chick was sad. Jerome had failed to say hello to her while we were inside and so on our way to the car she came running after us, in all of her tottering glory, screaming his name and waving. Finally she caught up and said hi to him. The introductions were made and then we stood in silence for a minute before Jerome said we had to get home to our child. Let's see; bitchy blondes- check, meatheads- check, awkward moments- check! To this day she tackles him whenever she sees him out{ with or without me }, and completely ignores me when our paths cross. And of course when we got on Facebook she was one of the first to request his friendship. No, no psycho, not my husband! He can't stand you anymore than I can.
Next year is his twenty-year reunion. Oh boy! Can't wait. Mine would be way cooler and I think even Jerome would have a good time.

Back to real life...uhg....Hildi

Thursday, July 23, 2009


Wherefore art thou Hildi? I fear that Hildi has succumbed to that great stealer of souls (or eater of time, whatever you prefer) Facebook! Haha. I must admit that it is addictive and I've wasted many an hour or two when my intention was to merely "pop" on. But then the other day I read an MSN article that said Facebook is doomed. That all the cool kids have left. What?! Does this mean I'm no longer one of the "cool kids"? Oh social networking site...thou ego bruiser, thou great stealer of vanity. Whatever...I've only had my Facebook page for a brief time. And anyone I'm interested in talking to still has take that MSN. Maybe those cool kids aren't really so cool after all if I'm not even missing them. I'm much more addicted to Blogger anyway. I think it's like my addiction to reality's like peeking in on other people's lives...and their lives are always so bad they make mine look great in comparison! It's the old matter how bad you have it...someone always has it worse. It teaches me to count my blessings and cherish them. Even on days when I'd gladly sell you the members of my family for a ticket to the Bahamas. Yeah, I have those days.

So...recently my high school held a reunion. Now since it was a DOD school overseas (England to be exact) and quite a small school at that (87 kids in my graduating class), they hold reunions every three years open to all who attended the school. They alternate locations allover the US in order to allow more people to attend. It's a great idea and I see from the pictures (posted on Facebook, of course) that lots of people have a really good time. I have never and will never attend one. It's not that there aren't people I miss from High School...there are. But I'm already in contact with them. But for's always way expensive. No one does budget reunions apparently. And I would much rather spend the cash on a family vacation. Secondly, I really have no wish to go back and relive high school. Sure, I really enjoyed it. High school was actually a pretty good time for me. And I relive it every so often when my kids ask a question about "the old days", but it's not something I want to dwell on. I would rather live in the "here" and the "now". I'm a different person. One who has no desire to do it all over again. It's done and I don't want to get caught back up in the game of who's popular and who's not. And all the petty jealousies that entails. I know we're all adults now, but I also know that changes very little. =P

Anyway...that's all I've got for today. Life is very quiet with Lulu & Jethro off at camp being the best darn camp counselors ever. The only drama I got from them was when they were texting me last night. Lulu is not happy with Jethro's choice of female company. Haha. Shoe's on the other foot now, eh? And Larry is gone most of the time too. I am enjoying my peace and quiet as best I can. I just wish I had the energy to get more done!

Come back fair Hildi...come back!


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

what a blah day...

Today is the perfect day for doing absolutely nothing. It's rainy and stormy and the house is dark and cool. I would love to slip back in bed and do nothing but read! Alas, it is not to be. So of course I'm online. I have about a half hour before I have to get in the shower and get ready to head to town. I have that ct scan & bloodwork today. Yuck. I have to drink the orange kool-aid stuff. I hate real kool-aid and that stuff tastes even worse. Guess at least I'll get some reading time in the hour I sit in the waiting room. Haha. After that I'm supposed to go to dinner and a movie with a friend. I am excited about that but I'm just so tired all the time anymore that I feel like I have to drag myself to do it. Ridiculous!

Tomorrow I want to at least start on the bathroom! Get the taping and hopefully get the primer on. The weather has at least been cooler so I won't sweat to death when I shut off the air and open the windows. Otherwise that Kilz primer would get me. That's some strong stuff! It makes me dizzy. I will put the fan on though to help some. =]

I have been running a low grade fever alot lately. Found out last night that's a symptom. I know you keep telling me to "think positive" until all test results are in. And I like to think at least, that I'm not a hypochodriac...but I've had this gut feeling for months that things weren't quite right. Sadly, that's part of the reason I delayed seeing the doctor. (Denial is good...worked for gpa!). So I just want to get everything done so that I can "think positive" about treatment and beating this stuff and getting well! Waiting is by far the worst part. That and being tired. It's so difficult to explain being exhausted. I thought I knew what tired was until this last week. And you tell someone you're too tired to do something, they look at you like you're a faker. Seriously, if my eyes weren't so bloodshot I don't think anyone would believe me! Haha.

Well girl I have to go get ready to go town. Hopefully the movie and dinner will perk me up!
Love you.


Saturday, July 18, 2009

Preaching to the choir!

I have been having problems with insurance companies since I got insurance it seems. It only gets worse when your children are prescribed something they take all the time. It's amazing to me what they won't cover. Asthma inhalers, singular, a little plastic thing that fits on the inhaler. It's called an AeroChamber and it was fifty-five dollars. I would think, as you do, that if a doctor says you need it then it should be covered. After all that's why we spend money every month for insurance. Some months we don't even go to the doctor, so we should definitely have some extra saved for the more expensive times. Also, it's not like even if it's covered we still don't have to pay. We pay for doctor visits and prescriptions. Granted it's less with insurance but we still shell out the green every time. I'd still rather have this system than socialized medicine, but there should be some reforms.
Speaking of doctor visits, I have one coming up on Monday. It is with my lady doctor and I am really not looking forward to it. After the reports I received from you and one of my friends on your last visits, I don't want to go at all. Thank goodness that technology has progressed and treatments, if not cures, have come so far.

Dreading it, Hildi

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Grr! Insurance & drug companies rule the world...

Geez! I'm so angry! I do not comprehend how doctors can deal with insurance companies tying their hands behind their backs! Isn't the doctor the one who spent 8-12 years in school learning his trade?! So why is it the insurance company (in cahoots with the drug companies) that get to decide which medicine he can prescribe a patient? What kind of confidence in your doctor does it inspire when he says "I realize this medicine has practically cured you but your insurance won't cover it so I'm going to prescribe this other one that probably won't work as well"?? Are you SERIOUS?!!! Something is seriously wrong with this situation!

You know for the most part...we try to avoid political or social commentary in our blogs but I have got to vent this one out! As some of you know...I spent last year being very ill and making the rounds of doctors and tests. Pouring through lots of books and scouring the Internet to try to figure out what was wrong with me. And though there's still some disagreement between my neurologist and my rhuematalogist the basic diagnosis I was given in February was fibromyalgia. They are keeping watch on other things...but treating for this now. I love all of my doctors here in town. Once I had the diagnosis I started on meds. The first med broke me out in horrible hives! The next one, in conjunction with another med helped. I mean I was still sick and still wiped out and in pain some of the time. But it was manageable. And better then last year. And let me just interject...that I try also to do my keep to a schedule, get enough sleep and rest when my body screams at me. I was doing ok. Then I went for a check up with my primary care doc. And he says there's a new med. Savella. Just got FDA approval in April. He started one patient on it with good results, do I want to try it? Well sure, why not? He gave me a two week starter kit and an appt to discuss my results. OMG! This medicine rocks! Seriously, after a week...I felt like I was normal. My energy level was better, I was almost never in pain and while I was still sometimes "foggy" it wasn't nearly as bad as usual. I was happy! I raved about this med to everyone I know. Go to my appt. tell my doc how great I feel, he gives me a prescription. This is where it goes downhill... My pharmacy informs me that my insurance does not cover this med and they will have to get a "prior approval". If I want to go ahead and buy will be $130 for a month's supply. (Why sure, I'll just whip that kinda cash out of my spare change drawer). I bought a weeks supply so that I wouldn't be without meds while they straightened this out. So the doc's nurse calls and says that the prior approval is denied. The insurance company wants me to try Lyrica first. If I try it and it doesn't work then they might approve the Savella. For real??!! So you want me to try something that might not work and I have been advised I may have an adverse reaction to just because my insurance company has a deal with the maker of Lyrica and not Savella? After feeling so want me to give it up?! It's like letting a prisoner go for two days then recapturing him and screaming "PSYCH!!!". Talk about bummed. But being not rich, what choice do I have? So the topper to this travesty is that when I get home...there's a letter waiting from my insurance is as follows:

A request for prior approval for pharmaceutical service(s) or item(s) was received in the drug unit from your medical provider on July 1, 2009. The request has been denied for this item.
The item was denied for the following reason: The request was denied because other equally effective therapies are available without prior authorization and have not been tried.

Really?! Do you think they used the word "denied" enough? I get the picture. My question is this... why is it my insurance company thinks that Lyrica is "equally effective"? How the blazing hell would they know?! Do they have fibromyalgia? Have they tried both drugs to find this result? NO!!! They simply have a deal with the drug company to get Lyrica cheaper. That blows!!! It's unfair to the doctor who obviously thinks otherwise and it's unfair to me the patient who had great results with one drug but is being forced to give that up to try another drug. So FU insurance companies!!! If I didn't believe so strongly in karma...I'd wish you in my situation. (yes Hildi, I AM sticking my tongue out at the computer right now!)

Okay...I'm done venting. I'll try the other drug. In fact, I started it last night. And if the itching I'm doing, is any indication, I'll be visiting the ER with hives and an allergic reaction soon. Great. So how I wanted to spend my time. Especially when I know I could be feeling great if some corporate big wig hadn't decided what meds I should take. =[

itchy & pissed,