Friday, February 26, 2010

Back to the snow!

My family and I had such a good time on vacation, that I really didn't want to come home. Usually no matter where we go I am ready to come home. I miss the cats, my friends and my house. Not so this time. Was it the very cold weather I knew we were heading back to, or the fact that we( Jerome and I) didn't fight at all? I'm not sure it was either of those things completely. This time I just felt new. You might be thinking I've finally lost all the sandwiches in my picnic basket! Something inside me took a deep breath and woke up for the first time in a long time. No, I don't want to move to Myrtle Beach. Or even South Carolina in general. Lovely though it is. I think sometimes in life you just lust after a new and fresh beginning. Not without my family, but with them. My state is lovely also, and I truly like the town we live in. The surrounding area is full of things to see and do for all of us. This vacation reminded me of how much is OUT THERE. So many places to see outside my state.
I also learned that the beauty God laid down around us is tainted with death. The number of animals that lose their lives along our highways is staggering. What's worse is the ones that suffer. I witnessed something on the way to Ashville, NC that will stay with me throughout my days. We were just cresting one of the never-ending rises in the mountains, and there it was. A dog in the road. At first I didn't understand. I thought it was stuck in the middle of two lanes, because it was scared of traffic. As we passed I made a comment about how awful that was. My husband looked over at me and I caught the look in his eyes. I asked if the dog was ok. He said no. I started babbling about it just being frightened, but by then I new what horror I had witnessed and hadn't processed yet. He told me that it's lower half was not ok. I understood, but I fought it like you do with all tragic news. The kids were merrily going on about there movie and car games in the back and my husband was looking at me with sad, understanding eyes. On a sob, a very quiet sob, I asked if we could help it. He told me that he just didn't know who to call or exactly where we were. As I silently cried, my heart bleeding for this animal, I wanted to be mad at him. I was mad. How long had it been there like that? How many locals had just skirted around it? I was very mad. Mad at the injustice of it all. But I knew that he was feeling these things too and fighting his sorrow along with me. I must have cried for twenty minutes or more. It's always harder to stop when he takes my hand. The whole time I was quiet for my kids sake. There was no way I could expose them to that. The time will come soon enough when they face death and suffering in their lives. Could we have done something? I truly don't know. As if in punishment for not trying, that poor animal's face will be burned in my heart and mind forever.
I'm sorry for sharing this story. I have held onto it for almost two weeks now and I thought this might help take the edge off. I won't ever forget, but maybe it will fade around the edges.

Snow and sadness, Hildi.

1 comment:

  1. Oh how horrible! Now I wished you had never saw it. Your hubby is probably right. If the damage was that visable while just looking for a second, then it was most likey unrepairable.

    Glad your kids didn't see it.


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