Saturday, June 13, 2009


We are not very good sisters right now, huh? There was some very mean things said over the last few days. I know I am not blameless, so I will say," I'm sorry!" I am sorry if you felt attacked in the first place and so chose to snap back. It should never have been about anything but vacation and an agreement to disagree, perhaps.
I don't like hurting people purposely or accidentally either. Especially not family. As you may have gathered, all of my family is very important to me. Part of that is because I was not a very good daughter, sister, or aunt when I was in my late-teens and early-twenties. These are"my" issues. Maybe I go overboard with trying to make things perfect and peaceful. I truly do feel sometimes that I'm put in the middle. Monday night I received phone calls from you and our parents telling me about the conversation you had. Both parties wanted me to agree with them.I did agree with mom and dad, but later saw your side of the situation. These are the times when I feel I am PUT there. Other than my plaintive blog, I usually don't mind. I am happy to help and feel helpful with my family. After all, I complain about parenthood occasionally. You know I wouldn't trade it for the world.
The only thing that really worries me is whether your last blog is the way you truly see me and my actions. I hope not. As I mentioned before, I have made a huge effort to achieve a positive outlook. Most of what I said is simply the way I look at life and my opinion. Dr.Phil, I'm not. By the way I like him. Not so much Oprah. If I give the impression I'm on a VERY high horse, it is just that I am fairly happy with my life and want others to be as well. It has taken me a long time to get here. Yes I still bitch about my marriage, and other aspects, but basically I'm happy. I feel I have a good, solid relationship with mom and dad. I know you don't always feel you do, so I have been trying to fix that as well. I won't anymore, because it seems I'm hurting you that way too.
I have to add that I was more hurt than I have been in a while when you mentioned my deep-dark-secret. It felt like a threat and the fact that my sister would go there was painful. I have said and done things in anger and hurt to people I love before, so I can't throw any stones. In the future I would appreciate it if you would forget I told you my secret. Know that it's something I punish myself for enough. Everyday. That is the one shot that hurt my husband as well.It is also not something I want to let ruin our new friendship or sisterhood. Let us agree that bitching at each other is always better in person. And try to move past this ugliness.

Hildi Von Beaverhausen, still here!

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