Tuesday, June 9, 2009

He did what???!

No way! Your husband ranted at you about your family? I've always been told that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. His family is no poster child for togetherness either. At least we were trying to plan a vacation for all of us...his just leaves you all in the dust. Thats crap. He should definately have your back. As you know, my husband is busier then a cranberry merchant at bogging time right now. I didn't get to tell him about my phone call with Dad last night because he didn't get in til midnight and I didn't want to bug him with it. He had a brief break today and could see that I had been crying. He never once trashed my family. He said he could see their point, and could understand your feelings, but that we were put in an awkward situation. And ultimately, the four of us together decided that we can't leave someone who is a part of our family to us behind. I'm sorry that we are forced to choose. But I can't abandon someone who's been abandoned too many times before. None of us felt right about cutting him out of the vacation. I'm sure that you don't understand, and I Know that mom & dad won't. But we made a commitment to someone and we can't back out of it. So, in compromise, we could look for two smaller condos in the same building and plan group outings. I mean, when you're at a show or shopping or whatever you're surrounded by strangers anyway.

And yes, I am still holding on to some past hurts...but they're recent ones not ones from childhood. And ones that are constant and ongoing. No, mom never used me as a punching bag but I don't think dad treated us both the same either. But we could swap incidents for days and it would get us nowhere. We are who we are because of those things, or maybe in spite of them. And yes, they are older now and life is sometimes to short. I didn't say I don't forgive them...I do. I'm sure that they have both real and imagined hurts of their own that play a part in our relationship. And that's all a matter of perspective.

I guess what I'm saying though is that in the long run...I have to do what feels right for me & my immediate family. It can't always be about pleasing someone else. And unfortunately, this time the right thing for us is at odds with everyone else's wishes. So the only thing we can do is politely decline to join the family on vacation this year. I'm sorry.


PS- Marriage has it's ups and downs but if it feels like your drowning...maybe you should start swimming for the shore.

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