Sunday, December 7, 2008

Steps to independence...

It's true...each little step to independence is a step further away from us. And I don't think you're silly. I think it's nice that yours are far enough apart that you can savor those baby steps. Mine were so close together that each time one did something for themselves I was so happy to have one less thing to do I never realized what it meant in the long run. And of course if one could do it...the others felt they had to as well! But now that my "baby" is about to get his drivers license and has a job and a social life it is all too apparent that their journey to independence is way to close to the end for my comfort! And while on one hand, I'm looking forward to my relationship with my adult children...I miss my babies like you wouldn't believe. As a wise woman once said to me "Mother's hold their children's hands for a little while, their hearts forever." So I know that no matter where life takes them at least a part of me will always be there. And I don't care how old they are...they will always be my babies.

Speaking of that...even through all of this with Lulu and her thwarted engagement and all my fears of losing her to Peter, it was never really real to me. Does that make sense? I mean I was scared to death she was making a mistake and possibly ruining her life...but I never thought I'd lose her. I mean even if she'd moved in with him, she would have come home as often as she could and I knew she wanted our relationship to stay the same. But now that she's done with him and planning her road trip I feel much more like I'm losing her. Oh trust me...I could not be any more proud of her for her choice. I one hundred percent think she made the right decision! But it was almost an overnight maturity. She got in gear once the decision was made and signed up to take her GED and started planning her roadtrip. She chose to stay home all weekend instead of going out in order to study. She started planning for her future. And then there's Bill. The way she's handled the progression of their relationship from friends to something more has been way more mature then prior transitions. There was no jumping into anything. There's discussion and forethought and putting him first. It has amazed me. And then...there was dinner last week. Jethro and I met them out for dinner. We got to Applebee's first and got a table. And when I looked up at them walking torwards the table it was startling. They looked so good, so right together. And so in sync. I mean I've seen her out with dozens of guys. But this time was different. Call if foreshadowing, call it intuition if you will. I don't know what it was, but in that moment I could see it how it was going to be. Looking up, it seemed as if she was more his, then mine. And it scared me. Oh man, it put our changing relationship in serious perspective for me. But at the same time, it just seemed right.

Well, thank god I still have Larry. I am for certain he is never gonna grow up and leave me. Hahaha. As if. Somedays I wonder how he manages to do his job without me. And other days I wonder how I do anything without him. Like this morning when he massaged my poor aching stiff calf muscles. Or tonight when he took hold of my arm to keep me from wobbling over. I don't walk so well when my muscles are screaming. I probably look drunk to passers-by. Ah well, at least I won't be alone in my dotage. Although Jethro has assured me they've already booked me a spot at the assisted living facility!!! That boy's just so darn thoughtful. =]

love & leg cramps,

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