I'm good at lying!!

Gert,
Ok, so I used to be good at lying. I'm still fairly proficient at it with my kids. While I agree that it is sometimes only a form of denial, it often happens when I am trying to make things easier for others. Maybe that's your answer. Maybe you shouldn't just lie to yourself. Try using it with Lulu!
When you talk to her about moving out and things that will have to be bought or gotten or prepared for, just tell her, " I'm sure Peter will take care of that." Then when he so obviously doesn't, maybe it will open her eyes even faster. Or at least piss her off enough to leave and do some thinking of her own. I think right now she must feel like everyone else is telling her what is best for her and her life. She is telling everyone what they want to hear. Has she really had a chance to stop and think on her own? No, I don't know where she'd go to do it. But I feel like when your smack-dab in the middle of a situation it is very hard to get a clear view. Lying to her won't make things easier for her, but it could help if she's not feeling pressure from your side and can at least relax and be herself enough to tell YOU the TRUTH!
If your going to stick to not letting her walk on you guys then at least make the relationship a good one when she leaves. And she will. I realize this goes against every fiber of the being that hates Peter. Let her know you love her and have accepted the inevitable. She will always have a home and a family that loves her, but it's time to shit-or-get-off-the-pot! There is no halfway. Spend the days you have left being the mom and daughter you used to be. Not pissed off and stressed about things you can't control. Ask her to set a date of departure for her family and then live like it's not coming! You know?
I hate to see this happen to you two, not only for your sake, but because it is a horrific reminder to all mommies out there (me) who have babies they never want to leave. Granted ,Peter is the nightmare that also wakes us up at night! But truly when the time comes for me, with it's icy wings and bone-numbing hollowness, I want to be able to have good memories of our short time before it's gone. We ,don't get it back, even if they come home. Once it's changed, well it's changed.


Love and family, Hildi