keep your heart and guard it!!

Gert,
Well darlin I have to say that it's probably to late to lock the barn door after the cows have escaped! Dad and I are of the opinion that doing these things will make your situation worse. It will only keep deteriorating for the next year. I would hate to see her treat you guys like enemies. And that's what you'll be if you take her choices away. You have always treated her like an adult and given her your trust before. Now because of Peter it's like your telling her it was all crap! I know you don't want to see her get hurt emotionally or physically, but that could happen at any time if she stays with him. Keeping her home won't keep her away from him. You know I think it's time for you to let her go. Let her make her own mistakes, and still love and trust you enough to come home when they smack her in the face.

Mom is with you one-hundred percent! She would do everything in her power to stop Lulu from going. She believes Lulu is not old enough to move out or make her own decisions and she would use the law to keep her at home. Mom thinks Lulu won't hold it against you or be bitter and pissed for a year before she leaves. Also she is worried about Lulu being the type to fall prey to the abuse Peter is probably going to dish out, and not be strong enough to get out of it.

Now, having read these things, do you remember what a jerk I was at Lulu's age? Who doesn't? I made a lot of mistakes and treated mom and dad like crap. Especially when they tried to interfere or say no. Ultimately it's up to you and Larry to make the call! The last thing I will say is that if she's not even sticking up for you on texts anymore, then it's most likely time for her to check out real life without you!


Love and The DA? Seriously? Who are you? Hildi

Here's my heart...Please shatter it!

Sorry!!! I know it was my turn and I cheated with the text blurbs but honestly life has been in such chaos lately! Mostly because of Lulu...but also because we got Irwin home for a visit...and because of being sick. You know, the usual.

So Lulu...geez...that girl is gonna be the death of me. Honestly Jaci said I was brilliant the other day...but I don't feel brilliant. In fact...if you ever hear me offer parenting advice to anyone ever again...please slap me...because it's obvious that I have not got a clue. So things were getting rough. And it had definately gotten into an us [her parents] vs. them [her & peter] situation which is never good of course. So Larry and I talked it over and I took her out for lunch & coffee and presented her with two choices. First choice: she could move out a week from monday (this was on a saturday). But she had to give us this entire week. No Peter at all. Just to gel as a family again and repair all of our broken relationships. So that she was leaving on good terms and would remember that she had a home she could always come back to with people who loved her. Second choice: she could stay indefinately. She would have rules though. 10:30 curfew on weeknights, midnight on weekends. No staying overnight at Peter's house. Asking before making plans. Getting her GED. Enrolling in college. She chose option one. I knew she would but hoped she wouldn't. So we start our "family" week and it's going great. Really feeling like it did when we were on vacation. Tuesday she and I go to springfield to get Irwin. We had lunch, shopped a little, it was awesome. Like old times. Absolutely no fighting. Then Peter starts texting me. Then he's being an ass about how I'm not allowed in his house. (I was going to go over and help Lulu shampoo the bedroom carpet). And how he's such a great guy because he got her a car. (um. actually his dad is giving them a car for Lulu to drive. They are supposed to make payments on it but he NEVER pays his dad back.) yeah, he's a prince alright. So I'm showing Lulu every text & my response and we're kinda laughing at him. Good day!

Well yesterday we are sitting in the family room and just playing around I ask to read her text messages (always more interesting then mine). So she hands me the phone. Turns out he texted her tuesday and said I was a "dumb bitch". Now this doesn't suprise me but what hurt was that she didn't defend me at all. Talk about stomping on a mothers heart. Well obviously we had a scene. I'm not sure I can forgive this one. First off she knew I wasn't being a bitch and second how could she let him say that about me and not jump his ass?! I don't let anyone call her that! So things were rough yesterday. Larry gave her a good talking to as well. And Jethro just didn't talk to her. She went to work. Of course she texted a million apologies and said she texted him and lectured him about respecting her parents and stuff but who knows. So Larry and I talked and I called the State Police to see if she really could move out at 17. He didn't know for sure but didn't think so if we didn't allow it. He gave me the DA's number and said to call them friday for sure. He did say we could revoke her drivers license if we want until she's 18. Did you know parents could do that?! Wow. Anyway. We discussed it and if she can't legally move out without our permission til she's 18 we aren't giving it. She'll stay here and she'll have some pretty strict rules. She may hate me for it for now...but in the end she'll thank me. And I couldn't look myself in the face if I let her go to him without a fight. Because he'll destroy her.

But the best part is...last night she goes to the grocery after work to pick us up some stuff and then comes home and is talking to me. Her phone keeps going off...turns out its Peter. He wants to know why the hell she's at the grocery. What is she doing? Why isn't she answering?! I mean he's seriously tripping out. So she texts him that she's screwing the stockboys. Hahaha. Then he gets all mad at her and accuses her of going there to see Riley (her first bf...you know the marine). That he knows he's back in town. So basically he's accusing her of being a whore who lies to him. Well she gets pissed and tells him off. He keeps texting not making sense and we decide he's probably been drinking (which he's promised her not to do) and he's being a dick. (ooo...big suprise). So far she hasn't heard from his today and she's still pissed. So she says and I hope to hell it's true!!!! So that's the story for now.

How is your visit with mom & dad going?! I miss you guys so much and wish we were there!

Irwin's visit is going great!!! We are having a blast.

♥gert

Text Blurbs...

Sometimes you, dear reader, do not get the behind the scenes fun. So today I'm including the texts Hildi & I sent after she blogged last...

Me: Read blog. Thanks suzy sunshine for ur uplifting commentary.

Hildi: Har har poop stain! I try to give a different view and that's your snarky comment?! Jk putting the g's nite-nite.

Me: I love you. Thanks for being there. G'nite g's.

Hildi: Ruv u too!


What would I do without her?
gert♥

I'm good at lying!!

Gert,
Ok, so I used to be good at lying. I'm still fairly proficient at it with my kids. While I agree that it is sometimes only a form of denial, it often happens when I am trying to make things easier for others. Maybe that's your answer. Maybe you shouldn't just lie to yourself. Try using it with Lulu!
When you talk to her about moving out and things that will have to be bought or gotten or prepared for, just tell her, " I'm sure Peter will take care of that." Then when he so obviously doesn't, maybe it will open her eyes even faster. Or at least piss her off enough to leave and do some thinking of her own. I think right now she must feel like everyone else is telling her what is best for her and her life. She is telling everyone what they want to hear. Has she really had a chance to stop and think on her own? No, I don't know where she'd go to do it. But I feel like when your smack-dab in the middle of a situation it is very hard to get a clear view. Lying to her won't make things easier for her, but it could help if she's not feeling pressure from your side and can at least relax and be herself enough to tell YOU the TRUTH!
If your going to stick to not letting her walk on you guys then at least make the relationship a good one when she leaves. And she will. I realize this goes against every fiber of the being that hates Peter. Let her know you love her and have accepted the inevitable. She will always have a home and a family that loves her, but it's time to shit-or-get-off-the-pot! There is no halfway. Spend the days you have left being the mom and daughter you used to be. Not pissed off and stressed about things you can't control. Ask her to set a date of departure for her family and then live like it's not coming! You know?
I hate to see this happen to you two, not only for your sake, but because it is a horrific reminder to all mommies out there (me) who have babies they never want to leave. Granted ,Peter is the nightmare that also wakes us up at night! But truly when the time comes for me, with it's icy wings and bone-numbing hollowness, I want to be able to have good memories of our short time before it's gone. We ,don't get it back, even if they come home. Once it's changed, well it's changed.


Love and family, Hildi

So I lied...

I have not come to terms with the Lulu situation at all!!! I'm so stressed and strung out about it I can barely think straight. Why the change you ask? Well there are several contributing factors...first Peter is a pain in the ass. Went with him to get the ring. It was okay. He was even kind of cute in that dopey male way they all have. You know, talking about when to give it to her, what he'd say, and just being all proud of himself. Of course he totally ruins all that not two hours later by texting me to ask if Lulu can go to a party when she gets off work. Um. Hello. Were you not listening earlier when I told you that your drinking was one of the biggest problems I had with you? Not to mention that you both have to work the next day so that's seriously irresponsible. So he says he's not going to drink much and Lulu can drive. So um, not only are you dragging my daughter to a party at one of your sisters friends houses (his sisters hate Lulu and are not nice to her) but now she's supposed to watch you and your loser friends and family drink yourselves stupid and drive your irresponsible alcoholic ass home? Gosh, why wouldn't I say yes when you present such a fun filled option for her?! I finally said he'd have to talk to her. Of course she said no. So not only was he mad at her, but so were his friends and family. You know, for being such a fun-sucker and trying to turn him into a sober, responsible, mature human being. Damn that girl! And then the next night he got all pissy in text messages with me because we gave her a 10:30 curfew. And won't let him come to our house anymore. As thought I need to discuss my rules with him? I think he's damn lucky we let her out of the house at all.
The second reason for my discontent is that Bill is home. Yep, graduated from marine boot camp friday, flew into Kansas City saturday and headed home. His first stop? The mall to see Lulu at work. Then we went to lunch with his grandparents, mom, sister & niece, and him yesterday. He wore his uniform. People stopped by the table to tell him how proud they were and that they appreciated what he was doing for his country. Honest to god I had goosebumps. Then she hung with him and then Jethro and I met them at Applebees for dinner. They look amazing together. And he treats her with respect and affection. It hurts to watch, knowing that she chooses to be with someone who treats her like crap and no one respects, much less likes. Even if she never dated Bill, the fact that she can't see how she deserves to be treated and respect herself enough to want that breaks my heart. I kick myself now. I can see a dozen different places I should have put my foot down and maybe Peter would be out of her life. Somedays it hurts to even look at her knowing that she'll be leaving our house to be with him.

On a good note...I'm going to see the midnight showing of "twilight" tomorrow night!!! I'm so freakin excited, it's not even funny! Bill's mom invited me & Lulu. Since she has kids who work at the movie theatre she's got the pull to get us the tickets & get us in early for good seats!!! Woot woot! I can't wait.

Also, Larry is considering putting in for a job in Minnesota. Pretty exciting, dontcha know? Haha. It's farther north then Fargo, ND. I can't wait to be snowed in with them bears & timber wolves. He's not for sure he wants to apply but me & Jethro are up for the adventure!

I took in some laundry for the deer hunters who are here this week & let me just tell you they paid well!!! The going up & down the stairs to the laundry room put me in some pain...but it was worth it. Nice guys. Great accents. Good tippers!

And last but not least...Lulu's older cat passed away today. We cried and cried. I know she was in pain and that it's better this way but she will be missed. She had taken in the last week to laying on my lap while I was working on the computer. Her company & her warmth will be sorely missed.

tears & smiles & smiles through tears,
gert♥

You tell me in a blog?

Gert,

I really can't believe you didn't call me to tell me about Thanksgiving! What, are you a fifteen-year-old boy who's afraid to break up in person? Your poop! I understand about the gas though. The holiday season is hard enough on the pocketbook, without adding gas into the equation. That is partially why we got presents this month, so we can afford to come home for Christmas. It's usually about two-hundred dollars just in gas alone. But it has been forever it seems since we've been there.
Congrats about coming to terms with Lulu's situation. Peter is poop! I'm very glad at least she'll have a lovely ring to show for it. Hopefully the pawn shop she visits will give her a good price for it. Hypothetically speaking, of course! Will we have the pleasure of Peter's company for Christmas? I'll have to start working on Jerome's manners now.
Speaking of Jerome, I seem to have found a way to keep the peace between us. It's not a new method. Just one that we, as women, hardly ever use. There are so many reasons I had been neglecting it. Sleep, for example. Also, it is very hard to look at your husband a certain way when all you can think are evil thoughts! Truly though why not give them their ten to fifteen minutes when it makes life so much more pleasant for us all? I'll let you know how long I can maintain the illusion of desire! Heck maybe it will actually become real. Hahahaha! That's poop!



Love and pleasantries, Hildi

Letting go...

I have decided you're right. There's truly nothing I can do. Yes, I do remember how I felt. Unfortunately, I now also understand how mom & dad felt. And Larry summed it all up when he said "god, the next time I see your dad I'm going to apologize profusely for what I put him through. he's a better man then me". So there you go. And through it all...mad as they were...I still knew they loved me. And really...this bad choice is NOT worth losing my daughter or the relationship I have with her over. And maybe (huge "maybe" here) it will come out all right in the end. As you said, I've fought the good fight, the best way I knew how. Time to trust her judgement. (Wow. Who knew that was gonna be so damn hard or suck so bad?) So in the interest of that...I'm actually going to the jewelry store with him today. I know that sounds counter productive but if he's determined to buy a ring...I'm going to make sure it's worthy of my baby. And maybe she'll be smart enough to say no anyway? Yeah...I'm not betting the farm on it...but engaged isn't married.

Christmas christmas christmas. Geez! Seriously, I'm bowing down to your magnificent feat of organization. Seriously, who knew you had it in you??? Or that you and Jerome could actually work together without being at each others throats? I have only accomplished the feat of finishing my christmas shopping before thanksgiving once in my entire life. And it was totally on my own. Most of my gifts will be of the homemade variety this year...so please...pretend you like them. As long as I stick with edibles for the men, I know I'm safe. Lol. But I do need to get my crafty little butt in gear.

So we are not going to be able to come to your house for Thanksgiving. Sorry love. I can't afford the gas. So I opted for saying we were going and staying home...just me, Larry & Jethro...Lulu has committed to going to Peter's relatives. But Larry says we must make appearances at his family's shindigs. Woo freakin hoo. This means I get to make a call to the non favorite sis in law to get times and my bring a covered dish assignment. I couldn't be more thrilled. Go holidays!

Well, I'm off to town. At least I have lunch with Roxy to look forward to. And a trip to the library. Yeah...I live the exciting life. You know you're jealous. =]

good friends, good food, good books,
gert♥

You need a drink!

Gert,

Wow! I'm getting the feeling your upset. Honestly, there isn't a stinkin thing you can do to change it. Really. That's it. It won't stop her decisions from breaking your heart, hurting your head, or just plain pissing you off! However, you have to let her go! It may be into the arms of, if not the dumbest guy ever, at least the most wrong for her guy you know. Still, until she decides otherwise, that is all. No, I realize I don't have a teenager, but I don't think their feelings now are that different then they were when you were about her age. Yes, the situation was different. Larry is a good guy. You had not lived at home in over a year. But remember how mom and dad tried to talk you into waiting and finishing college. They did everything they could to convince you that you were too young and there was no need to rush.They couldn't see the future and neither can you. She might move out and open her eyes enough to be done with him. I'm not saying your wrong in Lulu's situation. The point is you can't talk her out of good or bad choices, because they're her choices. Harsh? I'm sorry! Hey I could be wrong! It has happened once or twice.( Don't tell! ) I love you both and I wish there were more I could do or say to ease this conflict. Do me a favor and try not to get soo stressed! Realize that you fought the good fight and stand down for a bit.
For the last five years at Christmas time it has been; me making the list, me going shopping, and me wrapping the presents. Ok so Jerome does help wrap, because he freakin rocks at it! The difference this year is he was off this past week and so we decided to get things done. I have to say that he came through with flying colors. Calm down! For a man that means he only complained twice on both days, and made me angry three times. Oh yeah the traffic almost caused a spastic attack of some sort, but really he was great. I am done except for two people and it isn't even Thanksgiving!!! I thank you Jerome. You have made my season sooo much easier.( Take note, because tomorrow I will be mad at him again!


love and haha Christmas(take that), Hildi

Bah Humbug!

Hildi,

Why is she my mom when she's doing something bad? Do you only claim her when she's good?! So flashback for you...remember my senior year when I asked mom & dad for birth control? After all of their "you can come to us with anything" talks and I screwed up my courage to face them, they exploded. Mom way more then Dad, surprisingly. Remember how not only did I not get my birth control, but Mom didn't speak to me for three solid weeks (not a word). She even asked Dad to go shopping with her!!! I do not want to be like that. Really. But I'm so upset & disappointed with Lulu right now it's hard to even look at her, much less speak civilly. All the cautious optimism? Yeah, that's just me fooling myself. Apparently Peter & his friend George are fixing up the house George bought (currently it lacks plumbing in the bathroom) so that they (and Lulu) will have a place to live. And he's going ahead and buying the ring. Not only am I scared s#!tless for her, I just feel so betrayed. I know...they are supposed to grow up and gain some independence and eventually leave the nest. I also know that they will fall in love and then put that person above all others including mom & dad. And if I thought he was even remotely worthy of her love or even had the potential to be worthy...I think (I hope) I could be supportive even though she's so young. But my stars...to put someone who's obsessive, controlling, drunk, mean spirited, and dumb (sorry, but he is!) above the family that has bent over backwards for you for your entire life just seems like a slap in the face. And I'm not sure how to handle this best. Good god...why can't they come with instruction booklets...and troubleshooting tips like electronic devices do??!

Hahahaha on your christmas woes! Not that I am unsympathetic...I've just been there...and the only thing to do is laugh...or you will cry. I gave up ever asking Larry for gift-giving suggestions long ago. I make a list, do the shopping, and then tell him what I bought. Mostly, I do all the wrapping too because he sucks at it. He even gets Lulu to make a list for him, shop with him (sometimes without him), and then wrap the gifts he gets me!!! Which is an improvement because the first year we spent christmas together he gave me all my gifts in brown paper sacks. I cried. Did I mention that the man hates christmas? Seriously! Has ever since I met him. And in what will be 20 christmases together, I have not been able to change his mind or inject any appreciation for the yuletide festivities into his spirit. Weird, huh? He is the original Scrooge. Bah Humbug!

Speaking of our parental units, I will be seeing them tomorrow I guess. They are coming down to gma's and I so I will go over there for a little while. Guess I better get Jethro & Lulu to finish up those lists today. Don't want the Christmas termagent breathing down my neck! Another funny thing you forgot...how even with lists...sometimes we don't get the one thing we really wanted (muffin tins!!). I'm just saying...


in a flurry of list making,
gert♥

Family

Gert,
Ok so your not thinking of Christmas and that's all I think about.No I'm not crazy!Wait, I am, but not in this situation.Your mother has already started driving me nuts! Every year I give her a list for the girls. Not one, not two, but three of the same stinking list. Then as if that weren't enough, she buys the stuff I have on my list and I must scramble to exchange two days before holiday!! Uugggg! Lord knows I love the woman, and it always makes my babies happy, but holy-holiday-stress! By the way I have you and Lulu done. Ha. My husband is no help during this festive season either. I ask what he wants to get for his mom, dad, step-parents, and the others every year. Just to make myself insane I suppose. Never involve an oaf with vital yuletide decisions!
After having said that, get ready the padded room, because I am taking him Christmas shopping for our angels tonight. I mean really, they are his kids as well. I fear for my sanity and his very life. Truly I want to be done in time to enjoy my Christmas this year. Since we are coming home for festivities, there will be a lot more to be done. Bah!
I am very glad that something I said helped someone. Bad boyfriends (or husbands) aside, loving those babies through thick and thin is the only important thing in this life. Sure Gert I'd like to have a career, independence, and space to myself. But they are the reason I get up in the morning. They are my heart, my soul, the air that I breath. Plus, what would they all do without me?


Love and LISTS!!! Hildi.

Re: Hildi's help

Hildi,

Well your help was appreciated and Lulu read it and agreed that she is at a VERY scary time in her life with lots of decisions to face. And it was possible that the only reason she stayed with him was because it was familiar and he makes decisions for her. Grr. She stayed home with the fam last night and we talked some. Of course I can never see inside her head but I think we've given her some things to think about and I have some cautious optimism. She really just needs to get out of dodge and expand her horizons. One of the bad things of living in a rural community is that you can never get away from the people you need to...you just keep running into them. But whatever comes...we will work through it. I am sick however that she missed the opportunity to go to california with Bill's parents and see him graduate from marine boot camp. I understand that she didn't feel right letting them pay her way when she wasn't dating him but I know how dissapointed he is that she's not coming [I mean they were really close friends when he left and have written letters like crazy] and I think she will be kicking herself later. I'm hoping he gets some leave time and comes home for a visit. I miss that boy like he was one of my own!

I really like the idea of everyone doing their own laundry but that wouldn't solve the problem because Larry would just forget to do his. Jethro did ask me to teach him how.

Its not drivers ed that puts bad drivers on the road. They do actually fail some kids. It's the dmv that gives them their license in the first place and then keeps renewing it. I do remember gpa's friends driving. I also remember some of them riding their rascals and motorized scooters to the bar. Oh my stars! Save us from inebriated octogenarians! Or how about the ones who would turn off their oxygen tanks so they could smoke?!

And I am trying not to think about christmas! At least mine are old enough to realize that christmas will be slim this year. And they both have jobs so they just buy alot of the stuff they want. All Jethro says he wants is jeans (apparently he's stocking up so as never to run out again). The problem is he outgrows them so fast. He shoots up a couple inches and is finally filling out so he's not a beanpole anymore. And Lulu mostly wants books & movies. And Irwin...gosh he's easy. I mean telephone cords are his favorite toy. And anything spongebob. Anytime I see anything Hanna Montanna I think of Patience. Lol. Good luck with that. =-]

Well I gotta go. Larry picked Jethro up from school today and they went to town to run errands. They're gonna come back all hopped up on mountain dew & taco bell. Woo hoo!

missing their baby days,
gert♥

Hildi's help

Gert,
I simply cannot apologize enough for my absence! However as I know you too have been sucked into those addictive books by Stephenie Meyer, I am willing to bet I'm forgiven! Holy crap Peter is a huge, stinking problem. No, murder( or thoughts of) is totally not the answer. He really does need counseling for his obsessive behavior. Not only with Lulu, but also the drinking. Would Lulu be opposed to that suggestion? If she suggested it to him and he refused, you could totally work the " if he loved you" angle. I really don't think there are many options for opening her eyes to the horrendous future he is signing her up for. Your Lulu is indeed very intelligent. The problem is she's seventeen. When your that age you are basically an adult, if only in the eyes of yourself and certain laws. She needs to feel that in the different aspects of her life; like job, car, relationships. Obviously Peter is not the right choice for an adult relationship, but he's what she knows. With life being wide open, unsheltered, and full of choices at this point, it's easy to see the need for a security blanket. Even one as offensive as Peter!! There is nothing you can do. You know it. This is up to Lulu to decide if she is woman enough to move into the great unknown without him. It will be lonely sometimes and really bleak, but the first time she does something without anyone (family or Peter) it will be the best feeling in the world. Until she has babies of course. That is beyond words. I realize this is not the sort of help you require, but short of doing something heinous, I'm at a loss.
LAUNDRY!!!! Omg! It never freakin ends! I will be doing laundry in hell, I just know it. I really think your family members should all be responsible for their own laundry. Hopefully someday I too will be there. Ha! POOP on drivers ed. They let terrible drivers on the road everyday. And the DMV keeps them there far after it's time for them to be in a home or care facility. Remember how many of grandpa's friends and neighbors had cars? And drove them?! Bah on drivers ed. Also bah on overpriced video games, electronic toys and barbie boats!! I swear by the time Christmas is over Hannah Montana will owe me money. Any hoo gotta go . Only have two chapters left in Breaking Dawn!!!!!

Love and vampires, Hildi

Help me Hildi!

Hildi,


So you are taking your sweet time replying to my quite evident laundry crisis. I can only hope that this is because you are swept up in the happenings of the great town of Forks with the Cullen clan & their friends. [meaning that she has her nose buried in the book "Breaking Dawn"].

So I took some time to peruse the web for other blogs I might enjoy reading, following, recommending. And can I just say "wtf??!" Now...I'm not suggesting that anything you or I post is ever going to be Pulitzer winning but I hope it doesn't leave people scratching their heads and wondering how we can possibly be that stupid and yet live. Everything is either extremely cynical, extremely insipid or downright ludicrous. Oh and apparently only democrats blog...this is evidenced by the enormous amount of pro-Obama wording. So I guess that makes us unusual. And I promise to further strive for entertaining and relevant material.

Now for the ranting part of this post:

I HATE Peter!!! Good god. What is Lulu thinking?! And yes...I know...we've known he's a no good loser verbally abusive drunk ass piece of s*&t for the last two years, but yet again I have to wonder why she doesn't realize this and kick him to the curb once and for all??! He started texting me the other day about how good things were going with him and Lulu. This after they fought sunday again about his drinking. I told him he was an idiot if he thought that. He said that if Lulu told me they were having problems then she was a liar because they weren't. [Hello?! You did not just flat out call my baby a liar?! Are you really that dumb?! The answer is yes...he is!] He then further had a fit because I said he couldn't come over that night. Not what I said at all. I asked Lulu if she wanted to hang out with me that night because Larry & Jethro would not be home. His reply: You got to see her all day and I don't even get the three hours after I get off work. Dude. I'm her MOM! Not to mention that I saw her for two hours this weekend and the rest of the time [when she wasn't at work] she was with you! Get a grip. So the very next day he starts in with the how I'm trying to make things hard for them and they don't have any problems blah blah blah. AND...he does it again. Calls her a liar! So I tell him to stop texting me I'm not gonna listen to his shit. Then I talk to Larry. Then I talk to Lulu and say look...love you to pieces, cannot watch the way he treats you anymore, he's not allowed at the house anymore after tonight. Lulu says she understands. Knows that we love her, ect. Whether she really does or not...who knows...it's Lulu. She's not the most emotionally available girl.

So...wonder of wonders [my god the boy is stupid]...he texts me this morning. Conversation goes like this:

him: U sayn i cant come over that only looks like ur tryn to split us up cause this is between me & her & everythings ok now u just make it harder.

me: No. It's our house and we don't want you here. And we don't support her decision to be with you. And as for making it harder...life's hard. Get used to it. Deal with it.

him: then u cant stop her from stayn with me.

me: what? staying with you where?

him: I guess where ever we can go now at nite so we can c each other.

me: Um. I'm her mom. She's not 18 yet. I can pretty much stop her from doing anything so don't freakin tell me what I can and can't do!

him: not if she moves out.

me: she can't yet.

him: she's 17. so she can or after she gets her ged. [unfortunately he's right]

me: After she gets her ged. maybe.

him: which she will soon i dont get why ur tryn to push her out cause thats what ur doin.

me: no. I'm trying to get her to get rid of you. And right...if you think she's getting that ged soon you're wrong. [mostly because I'm trying to convince her not too!]

him: that's not going to happen. [getting rid of him I guess]

me: it has before. why should this time be any different?

at which point Lulu got up, read the texts and told him to stop texting me because he's only making things worse! Oh god...how I continuously plot his demise. Only to remind myself that it's really bad karma and I need to stop! Help me Hildi! What's my next move?

at my wits end,
gert♥

So hard to get good help...

Hildi,

Welcome to monday morning! So how was the [hopefully] brief visit with your monster-in-law? I hope Patience enjoyed the movie. Shame on Jerome!

So today started with Jethro waking me at 6:30 to inform me that he had no clean pants and therefore could not attend drivers ed today. Do you think that's a legitimate excuse I can phone in to the school secretary? "I'm sorry...Jethro won't be coming to school today...he's suffering from a case of nobodydidlaundryatmyhouse-itis." Thankfully he's acing the class [really...who doesn't ace driver's ed?] and won't be harmed by today's mini vacation. And when I did rise at 8 he was watching a show on the history channel about samurais in 15th century japan. Thank god I have intellectually motivated children!

Back to what appears to be a laundry crisis. How does this happen you ask? Well apparently the "laundry fairy" [Lulu] did not do laundry this weekend and so the resulting lack of pants in my household. And truly there was a lack for Larry was forced to wear camouflage pants this morning as they were the only ones he had clean. Well on Lulu's behalf...she did work friday night, saturday and sunday. And she went to bed at 8 last night due to lack of sleep saturday night [her own fault...party at Peter's cousins house. Also attended by Jethro who subsequently slept most of yesterday]. How to avert future crisises? Well I came up with a list. All of the options seemed like common sense to me but...well...you know...

1. Please inform backup "laundry fairy" [me] that laundry has reached critical mass.
2. When taking last pair of pants from closet please inform SOMEONE that it is indeed your last pair!
3. Learn, in case of emergency of course, to do your own damn laundry!

up to my neck in dirty clothes,

gert♥

Re: Re: Husbands

Gert,

I remember that day! I always wondered what their video entailed. I should have realized that not only was I about to begin a life long war with my body, but also a love and hate relationship with males! Shame on Larry for dragging poor little Jethro into that foul category of thoughtless oafs! At least you still have Lulu! Boy, is she in for a long ride.
I spoke with mom and dad last night and they requested a Christmas list. Of course I told mom I would send it and I told dad I would e-mail it. Obviously they can't be the same! Well I must go for now as the dreaded mother-in-law will be picking up Patience for the movies. Yes you are right. How did you know Jerome is taking Prudence and running like hell before she gets here?

bad words,
Hildi

Re: Husbands

Hildi,

The answer to the question of when they attained this ability is easy. Remember in school when they took all the girls out of the classroom for the "becoming a woman" video? Well that's when the boys got to see the "making the most of your testosterone-fueled loutishness". I'm pretty sure their video was way more fun. I had hoped to avoid this behavior in Jethro since he's home schooled...but I'm pretty sure Larry snuck him out to see the video. Damn his male hide!

Grr...apparently Jethro thinks I should feed him breakfast before he goes to work. Gotta go!

loves,
gert♥

just to clarify...

I just want everyone to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the xmas lists were intended to be funny. I don't want anyone sending child protective services after either hildi or I! So for the record:



We do not encourage our children to:

• drink


• smoke


• make career choices which involve poles


• play with weapons of mass destruction


• overindulge in either frozen burritos or pop tarts (regardless of flavor)


• abuse prescription drugs


• engage in violent behavior


• eat copious amounts of candy corn


• view porn or pose for porn


• do anything for which they might need an alibi

There I think that covers it. Hope that sets your mind at ease dear reader.

much relieved,

gert♥

Husbands

Gert,

Why is it that a husband's sympathy lasts less time than his attention span? They sure are great for those first five minutes! It is precisely the same when you have an argument. They piss and moan and then expect you to be over whatever has happened between the two of you in a matter of hours. I wish I knew if this trait was gained in high school or achieved in early adulthood. Sometimes I truly think it would be a valuable asset for a woman to be able to forgive and forget so quickly. What lady doesn't want to simply forget the harsh remarks or heartbreaking moments caused by a testosterone filled oaf? However I can honestly say I have enjoyed my justified anger and moments of clarity that stem from feeling something for longer than a day! I'm not sure how they are capable of everlasting devotion or love, when they can't sustain any other emotion for more then a few hours or a day at best! And lets face it some things they can't sustain for more then mere minutes!! Oh you short-sighted, narrow-minded, hairy, pain-in-the-asses! I have to go finish laundry now.

love and insanity,
hildi

Hildi's list...

This is a copy of the email that Hildi sent to Dad & I:





My family has a few X-mas wishes of our own.



Prudence: one punching bag( preferably resembling Patience)
weapons of mass destruction( she didn't say why)
huge freakin bag of candy corn to celebrate.



Patience: more dress-up clothes for her night job.
zanex( they help her relax on stage)
bail money( cause you never know)



Jerrome: one fat girl( they're easy)
one bag of flour
shovel
alibi



me: pack of smokes( my brand)
full tank of gas
new identity
muffin tins are gay!!I really do want skillets.



See ya soon! We love you



kisses,
Hildi


As you can see...we really are demented!

Dad's reply...

This is a copy of the email I got in reply from my daddy...

Ha Ha Ha!!!!l

Here's what you get:

Jethro - My good wishes for a very long relationship with whatever you get your hands on.
No beer - I drank it
No cigarettes - I smoked them
No tissues - I blew my nose in all of them
No hand lotion - secret gift for Grandma
No porn - I'm keeping that for me

Lulu - a pencil and tablet to write about you adventures
No condoms - I might need them(it could happen!!)
No tequila - next time don't be so picky(the cheap stuff works too)
No EPT tests - I ordered them wrong and wound up with 2 puppies and a kitten
No pole - I tried to get one, but the bouncer caught me(hope to be released for Thanksgiving)

Larry - Try something different son(if it was that easy, I'd have done it years ago!!)
No stripper - If I could get one, do you really think I'd give her away??
No hatchet - Your mother-in-law has it buried to deep in my back
No bath towels - She'd notice if anything was missing
No garbage bags - at some point in time I'll need everyone I can get to clean that @#%!! basement out

Gert - Are you shittin me! What friggin muffin tins?? I thought that was a joke.
No plane ticket anywhere - but I'll send pictures when I get there and I'll write if I find work.

Irwin - I'm working on a fruit filled frozen burrito, and if it works....you get the patent.

Merry Christmas from Mom and Dad

ps. Mom don't know about this, let's not tell her....okay!

Love, Dad


Quite obviously you can see where Hildi & I get our sense of humor...

xmas time is here again...

So every year my parents ask us to send them xmas list ASAP. If not done by thanksgiving...they are up my ass about it. And my mother always threatens to just get us what she wants to if she doesn't get a list...funny thing is...sometimes she does that anyway. One year...I specifically asked for new muffin tins and my sister asked for skillets. She got muffin tins. I got cookie sheets. No clue how that happens. So last year I got fed up and my family and I discussed this over dinner. As usual with our family discussions it degenerated into insanity and outright laughter. The following is a copy of the email I sent to my dad:


Daddio,

So here are the christmas lists we came up with over dinner:

Jethro-Porn
Beer- he really likes miller lite
Tissues (many boxes)
Hand Lotion
Cigarettes

Lulu- condoms
tequila (preferably cuervo gold...she doesn't like the cheap stuff)
a case of EPT tests (in case the condoms don't work)
a brass pole- to practice her new career

Larry- a stripper
a hatchet
a stack of bath towels
garbage bags- the heavy duty kind

Irwin- stock in a frozen burrito company
a lifetime supply of pop tarts- he likes fruit flavors

Myself- those damn muffin tins
one plane ticket to anywhere but here- one way of course!

okay...the real ones we are working on. hope this made you giggle as much as we did coming up with it.

love,
gert

An Introduction...

so let me introduce us...



I'm Gertrude. I'm seven years older then Hildi. We grew up in a military household. Dad was in the service so we got drug all over the place. I went to 9 different schools in 12 years of schooling and Hildi went to 9. I loved moving & didn't mind changing schools. Hildi now says she liked it...but I seem to remember her hating it. Of course I loved school and Hildi hated it. Sometimes I think we grew up in the backseat of the family car...traveling from wherever to wherever or coming home to the midwest and mom's family for visits or to the south for visits with dad's kin. We were a pretty close family and when we moved to a new place we only had each other until we made friends. So despite the age difference, Hildi & I were close. Until I left home. After I graduated, I moved to the midwest to stay with our gma and go to school. Hildi moved to yet another base with the parents way out west. Then I got married (far earlier than planned) and Hildi felt she lost me. Hildi's teenage years were kinda rough and while she was dealing with that I was dealing with three small children, life in a small town, and very little money.



But happily-- years later...I have three teenagers...Irwin...who just turned 18...has autism. He lives in a group home about two hours away where he has access to newer treatments, attends a school with people trained about autism, and can keep a routine. We all miss him dearly but he comes home for visits frequently and seems content where he is. Lulu is 17...she works, has a steady boyfriend (not the one I'd choose for her of course), and is a pretty responsible girl. She's also drop dead gorgeous which creates no end of problems let me tell you. Jethro is 15...he attends the local high school for drivers ed only. We homeschool him and Lulu. He has a genius IQ and really doesn't like a lot of people. He's the funniest person I know. And Larry...the husband. He's a pretty good guy. Funny, hardworking, loves his family.



And Hildi's family? Well she's has two adorable daughters. Patience is 8. And the name is true irony. She is a smart pretty little girl who reminds me alot of Jethro at that age. Intellectually anyway. She is in 3rd grade. Prudence is 3...and beautiful, good-natured and also smart. She is still the baby of the family and very attached to her momma! Both of them of course, adore their aunt Gert! And Hildi is a favorite with my kids...in fact...sometimes I think Lulu and Hildi are one soul in two bodies. They are that much alike. And Hildi is married to Jerome. Also a pretty good guy. Hard worker, loves his family, great sense of humor. Currently driving Hildi crazy. But if there's one thing I've learned after 18 years of marriage...it's that you'll have that now and again.

And Hildi and I once again have each other. Sure I have a little more marriage & parenting experience but we're on way more equal footing. And Hildi is still young enough to remind me what it was like to be a teenager which definately helps.



So read on dear public...now that the basics are out of the way....let's get to the good stuff...



love,

gert